Saturday, February 19, 2005
Oh, Aaron Part II
A major player in the world of D-List celebrities this week has been Aaron Carter. I've discussed my feelings about Aaron Carter before, but he didn't seem to be paying attention to my lecture. Perhaps because he can't read? I'm not sure. Not sure that's why he didn't listening, I mean. I'm almost positive that he can't read.
Mr. Carter has been in the news this week for a couple of reasons--he told the world that Michael Jackson likes girls and that Nick Carter did hit Paris Hilton and came clean about the Hilary/Lindsay rumors.
(See what I did? I made a joke about Hilary's song Come Clean and Lindsay's song Rumors? Hee! Get it? Ah, my cleverness knows no bounds)
But back to Aaron. Dude, you're not fooling anybody when you say that Michael Jackson is so totally hetero. Have you seen him? The man has That Girl hair and tattooed eyeliner. He's not the type of guy that this sentence applies to:
"He'll see a girl and comment on her," Carter said, "or want to touch her [bottom]. He likes girls."
Well, when you say it so definitively, how can I argue? "Want to touch her [bottom]"? To what, push her out of the way so that he can ogle a Peter Pan figurine? Come on, Aaron!
"He lives in isolation," Carter said. "He would never touch anyone."
He doesn't live in isolation, dope, he has a staff and kids and hosts sleepovers. Homes needs a dictionary, I think.
Incidentally, how sad is it that Michael Jackson's best character witnesses are Jermaine "I named my son Jermajesty" Jackson, Geraldo "Let's not talk about Al Capone's vault or that time I gave away military secrets" Rivera and Aaron Carter? Way to go, Jackson Legal Team, way to go.
re: Nick and Paris's sordid breakup
"He hit her," Aaron told me on Sunday night at the big Grammy celebration party following the awards show, "and he hit me."
I do not advocate child abuse of any kind, but really, if Nick hit Aaron...do you blame him?
Now, the good stuff--Hilary v. Lindsay. Aaron clears it all up for us.
"I started dating Hilary on my 13th birthday... I was dating her for like a year-and-a-half and then I just got a little bored so I went and I started getting to know Lindsay, dating Lindsay. Then I didn't want to do that anymore, so I got back with Hilary. And then I ended up cheating on Hilary with her best friend. That's nothing to smile about. She wasn't even that good looking either.
"She wasn't even that good looking either"? Aaron, you're fugly.
You have a bad faux tan, an even worse dye job, horrible acne, zero fashion sense and facial expressions that make you look like a fucking crack baby. YOU ARE NOT HOT SO STOP JUDGING OTHERS! JESUS!
And Hilary and Lindsay, what the fuck? This is the type of douchebag that you try to forget you ever dated, not somebody who you let creat a feud! My GOD.
The article also states that Aaron is currently dating one of his backup dancers. Why the fuck does Aaron Carter have backup dancers? Is his career really going well enough to pay for backup dancers? But at any rate, Aaron Carter should, much like his BFF Michael Jackson, be living in isolation.
Women of the world, I beg of you--STOP SLEEPING WITH AARON CARTER! He is fugly, untalented and SKEEVY. The more of you who sleep with him--I'm looking at you, teenyboppers--the more his ego is going to grow and the more he's going to continue to be a douchebag. So just stop. It's for the benefit of all of us.
Mallory at 2/19/2005 05:10:00 PM
1 Comments
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at 7:54 PM
said... You really are very clever.
Aaron Carter sort of looks deformed, I had never noticed that before. Reading your blog is so educational!