Monday, July 03, 2006
You're Not The Boss, Heffa
It's a sad state of affairs if, in the year 2006, you find your day ruined by Alyssa Milano, but there you have it:
Your average baseball jersey is about to get the Charmed touch.
Good witch Alyssa Milano announced Friday that she'll be partnering with G-III Apparel Group and Major League Baseball� to create a line of ladies' baseball gear designed for juniors (aka WB fans).
The femme athletic wear will be distributed under the label TOUCH--by Alyssa Milano.
What the former Who's the Boss star has in mind, however, sounds as if it's tailor-made more for sitting in the stands rather than for sliding in the dirt. Stylish tops, denim and dresses are part of the proposed lineup, all "utilizing high quality fabrics and body-contouring silhouettes," per a release issued by Milano's publicist.
The sporty duds will have their debut at the Magic show in Las Vegas, which takes place Aug. 28 to 31, and then will be in stores by spring 2007 (in time for MLB's opening day, we presume).
"TOUCH--by Alyssa Milano was born out of necessity," the 33-year-old actress said in a statement. "When I go to baseball games, I want to wear fan gear to support my team, but I've found that the product mix offered in the current marketplace does not address my everyday fashion needs. Women should be able to look stylish while cheering on their favorite team."
Or, as in Milano's case, their favorite player. For the past few years, baseball has been more than a business--and more than a game, as well--to the aspiring designer. Milano was romantically linked to New York Yankees pitcher Carl Pavano and then Oakland Athletics pitcher Barry Zito, and she's currently dating L.A. Dodgers--you guessed it--pitcher Brad Penny.
"Her personality and love for the game, combined with her fashion sense, will pave the way for success at boutiques, specialty stores and high-end department stores," Carl Banks, president of sports licensing for G-III, said in a statement. "I strongly believe that TOUCH�will bring the category to another level."
Shut. Up.
FIRSTLY, Touch by Alyssa Milano sounds dreadfully skanky.
SECONDLY, where was your devotion to style when you chose this outfit, Alyssa?!?!
THIRDLY, how many more major league pitchers will throw away their chance at a below-5 ERA in order to get into Alyssa Milano's pants?
FOURTHLY, even if they are okay with getting bad in order to be close with Alyssa Milano (Seriously, can someone explain this to me? Who's The Boss wasn't that good...), do they realize that it makes them UGLIER?! Or maybe they were always...unpretty and it just highlights it when she dates them, like she takes whatever hope they had of clinging onto presentability and uses them for nefarious purposes like keeping Charmed on the air eight seasons longer than it needed to be.
Dare I detect a subtle sheen of grease?
That...looks to be a cranberry colored crushed velvet outfit.
Don't look at it for too long or else you won't be able to look away.
FIFTH, "body-contouring silhouettes" makes me think of a catsuit
SIXTH, stuff like this "When I go to baseball games, I want to wear fan gear to support my team, but I've found that the product mix offered in the current marketplace does not address my everyday fashion needs. Women should be able to look stylish while cheering on their favorite team." makes me hate women. Same thing with pink baseball hats. Why can't you just wear a regular hat or t-shirt? Why do you have to shout from the rooftops that you are still girly? Pink is my favorite color and I appreciate its place in society, but come ON.
I feel ashamed of how irritated I am by this.
Mallory at 7/03/2006 06:34:00 PM