Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Ew, Timberflake
I've been feeling dreadfully old lately, because all of the hard-hitting journalism I read is talking about things like the new season of Laguna Beach and Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler breaking up and I am pretty much speechless because I know nothing about either of those things. What the hell is a Moakler? I always prided myself upon being hip and with it, but right now I'm, like, a step above my father who once asked me what David Beckham's wife if famous for, and when I had a fit and started screaming incoherently about the Spice Girls, he asked if that was a band.
But it's nice to know that no matter how old I get, Justin Timberlake will still be a douchebag.
Justin Timberlake is not in awe of Taylor Hicks’ talent.
“People think he looks so normal, and he’s so sweet and he’s so earnest, but he can’t carry a tune in a bucket,” Timberlake told Fashion Rocks, a supplement of Vanity Fair. Timberlake also thinks that Hicks’ fame is fragile. “If [Hicks] has any skeletons whatsoever, if God forbid, he’s gay, and if all these people in Mississippi who voted for him are like [then he takes on a thick southern accent], ‘Oh my god, I voted for a queer!’ It’s just too much pressure.”
The “Justified” singer has mixed feelings about “American Idol,” the show made Hicks famous. “I have a strange relationship with that show,” he said. “I despise it, yet I’m completely fascinated.”
What the hell? Firstly, who on earth cares what Justin Timberlake has to think about anything? Well, okay, I care about what he thinks about Britney's descent into Federdom, but no carbon based life form would want to know his deep thoughts on anything else ever. Actually, no, I am sort of interested in hearing if Cameron Diaz's skin is really as bad as everyone says it is, but that aside, nobody cares about his thoughts, ever.
Secondly, "if, God forbid, he's gay"? Shut the hell up, you curly-haired skeeze. Were that many people wondering if Taylor Hicks is gay that Justin Effing Timberlake has to bring this up in interviews?
Thirdly, "earnest"? "Can't carry a tune in a basket"? When did it become 1953 again?
Fourthly, I think Justin's a little jealous of the mega success American Idol has. I would be too, I guess, if I were him. After all, he had to spend lots of quality time with Lou Perlman, so he definitely paid a high price for his fame.
Lastly, "SexyBack" sucks. Like, seriously, sucks, like, violently awful. And I don't have high standards when it comes to music, either, because I love Mandy Moore and Xtina and ridiculously cheesy awfulness and I would rather drive into oncoming traffic than listen to "SexyBack" all the way through.
Someone just needs to kick him in the face. I will start a PayPal collection and bankroll this random act of violence. Perhaps I will post a craigslist ad to see if anybody is willing to help in this great cause.
In other news, the late, great Joe DiMaggio was afraid of Tom Cruise before it was fashionable.
I want to marry and have a million babies with this piece of gossip
"He'd show up at baseball-signing shows and wait for Joe to come out," says the source. "One time, he waited outside a restaurant for him for three hours. [DiMaggio] called him 'a short little guy.' He didn't like it. He felt like he was stalking him."
I mean, can you blame him for being freaked out? Imagine a leaving your house to go to work and finding a dwarf in your front yard, overlaughing and jumping around. You'd be scared and you know it. Poor Joe.
How awesome is Project Runway? I think this is the best season thus far, if only for Michael and Laura, who are just awesome. Kayne and Robert are quite funny, but not on their level. Can you imagine being able to be as disdainful as Laura is? I may not have many goals in life, but reaching her level of coolness is certainly one of them.
From the ridiculous to the sublime: The lovely and amazing Janelle has a new blog Too Fat For Fashion. Do check it out! You won't be disappointed.
And a PS: I have made a deal with myself that I cannot have a Frappuccino until I get back to updating regularly, which means no more two week breaks before furiously writing a hysterical missive. The CEO of Starbucks just started crying and he doesn't know why...
Mallory at 8/16/2006 04:05:00 PM
1 Comments
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at 8:46 PM
seanlmccarthy said... Justin Timberlake competed on TV's "Star Search" as a young cowboy-hat wearing laddie, so who is he to judge?