Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Speechless
If you all of a sudden felt sick to your stomach and didn't know why, odds are that you aren't sick, you are just feeling the effects of the WORLD COMING TO AN END because Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes HAD THEIR BABY or should I say "HAD" THEIR "BABY" because it's AWFULLY convenient that all of us had been sitting there saying "Uh, she's been pregnant for like fourteen years" and FREAKING OUT over what a WACKADOO Tom Cruise is for "joking" about eating the baby's placenta and realizing that THIS IS JUST NOT RIGHT, NONE OF IT and all of a sudden the baby is born? I DON'T THINK SO!
You can't fool me, Tom. You may be able to send me into a fit of hysteria so fierce that I keep typing in capital letters to best convey how shrieky I am over the world ending, but you can't fool me!
The couple "joyously welcomed the arrival of a baby girl, Suri, today," the actor's rep said in a statement after PEOPLE first broke the news. "The child weighed 7 pounds, 7 ounces and was 20 inches in length. Both mother and daughter are doing well."
Mmmmhmmm. If by "welcomed the arrival of a baby girl" you mean "finally put the pillow back in the closet [but not that kind of closet because none of those involved are homosexual in any way] and bought a baby on the black market like Bobbie did on General Hospital before she got involved in a long custody battle with Tiffany Hill and won even though she is nowhere near as awesome as Tiffany", then yes, that is exactly what happened, Tom Cruise's rep, and it's so CONVENIENT how you're all up on being PReriffic today, like, fourteen seconds after the "baby" was "born", but when Tom is yapping about EATING PLACENTA and scary intensely talking to Diane Sawyer about CUPCAKES, you are nowhere to be found.
I am almost positive that this news has made me develop a heart murmur.
Mallory at 4/18/2006 07:19:00 PM