Sunday, February 19, 2006
Olympics, Wooooo!
Few things in life make me geek out more amazingly and embarrassingly than the Winter Olympics, as I have alluded to recently. I don't know what their hold on me is, but I think it has something to do with being young when Kristi Yamaguchi won the gold medal in 1992 and then, of course, the Tonya and Nancy drama in 1994. Good times! I infinitely prefer them to the Summer Games, which I find boring. I don't want to watch people run and gymnastics upsets me, due to lingering shame and trauma from always being too gangly to do a proper forward roll. Plus, in the Winter Olympics, there's a chance that someone could break their neck! Violence = fun.
For those of you who are similarly enchanted with the Winter Olympics, please read on to hear my thoughts. If you are so over them, well, it's either write about this or the Kid Rock/Scott Stapp sex tape and HELL NO. Sorry. I--I can't even--no. It's not happening. I'm sorry. You might be bored, but your soul will thank me.
I am going to go in the alphabetical order, the BFF of OCD Folks all over the world!
I don't ski, but watching skiing is one of my favorite things ever. I don't know why, except that it is fast and vaguely dangerous.
My favorite skiier of these games is Giorgio Rocca, mostly because he is Italian and pretty. He seems like a bit of a headcase, what with needing intense therapy to deal with the pressure of being labeled the next Alberto Tomba. Hypnosis was involved. That is whack. But still, I like him!
I do not like Bode Miller, as I have mentioned to the entire world. He's a tool. Yes, it's very cool that he is a rebel who was homeschooled and who grew up without indoor plumbing and electricity. I'm down with that lifestyle for other people, as an avid fan of the Little House books. And being outspoken can be sort of cool, you know? And I had to appreciate how he went after Barry Bonds and Lance Armstrong for using performance enhancing drugs. But seriously, he's such an arrogant jackass. He's too cool for the Olympics, he's too cool for the world in general, he's too cool to be sober.
I realize that the above is a very vague explanation of what I speak of as an intense dislike, but I think that is because my feelings are being clouded by...pity. You'd think that watching an overexposed athlete flame out SPECTACULARLY in front of the entire world would fill me with glee. And yet...I feel sort of bad for him. Because as much as he's all, "Fuck the Olympics, I don't care" and all that, it must suck to not finish 2 of your first three races when the entire world is waiting for you to justify your hype. I was also impressed with the fact that he didn't eat snow after hitting the gate in the Super G yesterday.
That is acrobatic like whoa.
He just seems very depressed and I have a hard time hating on people who are obviously unhappy. Could it be that I am actually becoming a good person? The prospect is alarming.
I am ashamed to admit this, but in the interest of full disclosure: I am obsessed with curling. I find it so interesting and entertaining and fascinating. Perhaps I am being forced to find it interesting since it is on whenever I turn the TV on? Or perhaps I just truly enjoy it, even if it is like watching something foreign. My younger brother referred to it as the sport that "uses broomsticks and teapots" which sounds weird until you see the match in action and realize that it's true. After a week of watching it, I still don't have a grasp on the rules or the goals of this sport and I am not exactly sure how it is an Olympic event, but I love it! I also love the accent of one of the commentators, that reminds me of Fargo. Let it never be said that I am not easily amused.
Also known in some circles as the best thing ever. I am shamelessly in love with figure skating, and I don't care if that's cliche. At the very least, isn't it fun to criticize what the skaters are wearing?
That's an effortless segue into discussing the existence of Johnny Weir. Apparently, he's flamboyant. How do I know this? Oh, just because every article about him ever refers to him that way. And because, you know, he named his glove Camille.
Sometimes you just have to take a moment and reread sentences like that to fully appreciate their beauty. Actually, his interviews are basically nonstop sentences of wonderfulness. I have to love a guy who talks about Care Bears.
You also have to love a guy who wears pants that can only be described as pornographic, like Emanuel Sandhu.
In the related topic of Fashion Atrocities, can we discuss Barbara Fusar-Poli's self-tanning incident?
I didn't think your skin was supposed to match your costume.
I am also puzzled by Ben Agosto's decision to dress like a waiter while Tanith Belbin looks...um. I can't think of an inoffensive way to describe her costume. What is that?
I feel dirty looking at it!
And eeeee! The ladies figure skating starts on Tuesday and I could nearly die of excitement. The skating order has been announced and I can't wait. I really hope that Sasha Cohen doesn't let her nerves get to her (again) and does well, because I think she is just wonderful. She's a fantastic skater and has a nasally voice, and I identify with that, so naturally, I love her. I'd love her even more if she wore the costume Santino designed for her on Project Runway in public!
If you had asked me before the start of the Olympics which sport would have the most potential for a catfight, I would have said figure skating, obvs. But no, it turns out to be speed skating, in which the media has pitted Shani Davis against Chad Hedrick, who they pinned as the Golden Boy who was going to beat Eric Heiden's Lake Placid record which, no. Like, way to set the guy up for failure, yo. Anyhoo, Shani Davis elected not to participate in the team pursuit, which meant that Chad Hedrick wouldn't win the Gold there and it turned into an all out brawl. Well, except for the fact that Shani Davis never made any comments and it was just Chad Hedrick running his fool mouth off for the next few days until they were in the same race together yesterday and Davis won, making him the first African American to win a gold medal in the Winter Olympics. Cool, huh?
Not to Chad!
"Once Shani beat me, I didn't care if I got a bronze,'' he said. "I'm here to win. It's all or nothing.''...Shani skated fast today, that's about all I have to say about that."
And [Hedrick’s] the man who, after the race was done and he hadn’t medaled at all, answered a question about what he thought of Davis’ performance by saying: “I’m happy for Joey,” referring to silver medalist Joey Cheeks, who had previously won the 500-meter event.
Meow! That's a big talk coming from a man with drag queen eyebrows!
Every soap opera has a good character in between the divas, and speedskating has Joey Cheek, who is just adorable and has donated all of his winnings to charity. Awwww! He's totally the Marlena of this story. Did I really just namedrop Dr. Marlena Evans? I have reached a new low...
Mallory at 2/19/2006 01:33:00 AM
4 Comments
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at 3:05 PM
said... MAN! What is UP with you Americans and your love of curling?
I curled when I was in high school, and let me tell you, it is the LEAST exciting sport in the WORLD. I LIVED by a curling rink. I was a skip in some charity bonspiels. It was NEVER exciting. The only reason I did it was the opportunity to DRINK while playing a sport. It's like BOWLING, but on ICE. And I should know. Because I bowled as a kid too.
We cheered in the newsroom when Emanuel fell. And then again, we cheered when he fell the second time. We're mean.-
at 3:40 PM
K said... I think speedskating has, overall, the hottest male athletes. Maybe I'm swayed by the stylin' sunglasses Team Canada was wearing, though. Joey Cheek is so cute!
I'm pretty amused by how Bode Miller is being so spectacularly underwhelming, but I gotta hand it to him, not wiping out in the Super G was an achievement unto itself.
Johnny Weir is a pretty pretty princess and just super fantastic. EIEEE I can't wait until the women's figure skating starts. Tuesday, I think?-
at 2:44 PM
said...
Zooby, I believe we're fascinated by curling because we're trying to crack the curling code, so to speak. Or that's just me. The more I watch it, the more I think I'll figure out how it's scored and what that mod symbol in the middle is for.
In short, if I don't crack the code, one of the RCMP is gonna have to talk.-
at 1:10 AM
Lanni said...
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