Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Make It Work
Where have I gotten off to? The last sentence of my last entry was slightly violent and ominous, but since Kanye and John Legend both won (do check out Sean's take on all things Grammy if you missed or would like to relive the show) , I wasn't off killing people to avenge their honor. I was just doing it for fun.
In the days since I was last able to coherently write a sentence, I have been doing much of the following:
And so on. The thing that made me go into shock and then hysteria was the momentary thought that Tom and Katie had broken up. Life and Style reported that the unholy union was over. I was shocked, because I pictured the big breakup featuring choreographed dance numbers, but then I realized that it could not be true.
1. Life and Style is a bootleg US Weekly read that sentence several times until the gravity of the statement sinks in.
2. If they did break up, it would be an exclusive story granted to People or Oprah, who would wear a special weave to commemorate the event
3. As crazy as Tom Cruise is, and needless to say that is VERY, he's calculated and image conscious as anything and has to know that breaking up with a pregnant woman would garner even more press than impregnating said woman did. I mean, just look at the Mary Louise Parker/Billy Crudup/Claire Danes thing. Nobody knows who any of these people are and yet they hate Billy Crudup. Which I do too, don't get me wrong, because Claire Danes? No. When will the world stop letting her coast on My So-Called Life goodwill? The show ran for, like, twelve episodes a million years ago, let's move on. And also, if he broke up with Katie, he'd be in the same league as Kevin Federline, which says it all. Especially if he were to take up with a popstar. I smell Tom and Liza Minelli fanfiction!!!
But of course, it turned out that my instincts were right and the story was most emphatically false. The story was officially denied within thirteen seconds. Oh, Tom! I knew I could count on you!
What I didn't expect was to read about Tom extending his creepiness towards Kanye West.
Tom Cruise persuaded rapper Kanye West to change his mind about creating a new theme for Mission: Impossible III by paying him a visit. The movie star was adamant West should be involved in the soundtrack and when the rap star announced he was too busy to play around with the classic theme, Cruise refused to take no for an answer. Cruise tells MTV News, "I'm a big fan of his work and we said, 'What's Kanye doing?' - 'He's busy, busy, busy.' So... I went by and he's got two songs that he wrote that are just unbelievable - he did a version of 'Mission: Impossible' and an original... It is 'Wow' When you see an artist that you just respect and he's so talented. I was like, 'Man, I'd love to see what he's gonna do with this.'You've got to hear what he did with it. It's Kanye West and it's really extraordinary. I looked at him and said, 'Man, you killed it.'
Kids, let this be a lesson to you: don't have a big ego and/or wear ugly sweaters because if you do, a sociopathic midget will stalk you and force you to do his bidding.
In other news, Bruce Willis has tried to give Oprah the smackdown. In this battle of evil versus...um, Oprah, who wins? More importantly, is there even anyone to root for? I keep having a strange back and forth in my head about it, like, yes, Oprah handled the entire drama poorly and yes, her That Girl weave was heinous, but come ON, why does the man who willingly starred in North and who dated Brooke Burns feel that he is in the position to comment on anything ever? Not to mention that the fact that this fool's story is STILL getting play is infuriating to me because the man lied about a book and yes, that was wrong, but we have a President who lied about a WAR and Oprah's not all up in his face with Marlo Thomas hair yelling at him, and the same random people who have never opened a book yet still start coversations with "So that Million Little Pieces book was fake, huh?" as if ANYBODY BELIEVED A WORD OF IT, are turning a blind eye to the fact that we just participated in a fake war and nothing is made of it and I AM SO CONFUSED.
I think I need to take up yoga or something. For now, I will hope that Kara is rightfully eliminated from Runway tonight (Goooooooo Daniel Vosohottie and Chloe!) and soothe my nerves with a fantastic and refreshing Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke.
Mallory at 2/15/2006 09:05:00 PM