Friday, December 30, 2005
2005 In Review: Part III
My knowledge of the music industry is, shall we say, not so much with the existing. I listened to precisely four albums all year (Madonna, Common, Legend, Kanye, whose Cosby sweater clad babies I am still willing to bear) and while I could go on, at length, about the merits of Ashlee Simpson's new singles, I can't help but feel that all of you deserve so much more, which is why I enlisted the help of the most musically knowledgeable person ever, Jeff, who graciously accepted my invitation to act as a guest. Without further adieu, here is his brilliant look back at the year that was.
After the warm glow of the Media Gadfly's invitation to guest-write a synopsis of 2005: The Year in Music slowly faded, I was left with the realization that I might be in big trouble. While my dear patron artfully skewers all facets of media - Sports! Television! Fashion! Celebrity! - with equal élan, I'm largely ignorant of the world of music outside of my Stereogum-approved playlist of hipster chestnuts. (Seriously - the first time I heard the ubiquitous-for-most "The Thong Song" was when Saturday Night Live used it in a parody commercial.) After briefly paging through Entertainment Weekly's year end issue intense research on the subject proved fruitless, I decided to follow a long, hallowed tradition of music journalism and simply faked it. Let us now remember the year that was in music:
As much as it pains me to say it, the title goes to Kanye West. My sturdy Midwestern upbringing makes it hard for me to embrace someone as "confident" as Mr. West, but it's hard not to throw mad props at someone who is a major success despite bringing social consciousness and spirituality to pop music, all the while fearlessly championing Glee Club sweaters as a fashion statement:
While Late Registration suffered a whiff of critical backlash - even its ardent supporters don't claim it's on a par with The College Dropout - it's impossible to deny that "Gold Digger" was the catchiest single of the year and the album still managed to earn five Grammy nominations. West also produced well-received albums for Common and comeback kid, Mariah Carey, and his 2005 work for John Legend resulted in eight Grammy noms for his protégé's debut, Get Lifted. Just in case he was still feeling unappreciated, a Time Magazine cover story called West "the smartest man in pop music".
But these musical accomplishments only told part of the story of West's 2005. His gift for outspokenness sometimes opened needed dialogue on matters of race and homophobia. Most importantly, though, he provided a clear etiquette guide for urban slang, thus finally emboldening me to use phrases such as "mad props" in daily life.
In the interest of equal time, it's important to point out that West also encouraged Jamie Foxx's singing career, collaborated with Maroon 5 douchebag, Adam Levine, and used his appearance at Live 8 to espouse some scientifically questionable views on the origin of the AIDS virus. And really, the sweaters? Awful
I probably would have picked Kate Bush for the honor, but my wife failed to respond to a month's worth of anvilicious hints about wanting Aerial, Kate's first album in 12 years, for Christmas, so I can't definitively say it doesn't suck. I guess I'll go with Mariah Carey instead since The Emancipation of Mimi ended a long string of overly precious My Little Pony album titles (Daydream, Butterfly, CHARMBRACELET!) and became a monster hit. Terrence Howard's acting prowess ensured he'd eventually shake off the Glitter taint, but in Mariah's case, it was uncertain whether her talent or bat-shit insanity would win out in the end. Happily, the two reached a peaceful détente, allowing the Cotton Candy Queen to reascend her Rainbow Throne on a golden unicorn to choirs of sparkly, melismatic seraphim. The world is a shinier place for it.
Worst Single of the Year:
Is the insipid earwurm, "My Humps", or D4L's insidiously evil "Laffy Taffy" my pick for WORST of the year? Well, kind of, but I'll not open myself up to accusations of hater-dom for slagging songs that many consider harmless fun, and instead choose one that everyone can revile equally - Crazy Frog's cover of "Axel F". At its peak, this unholy melding of an annoying internet meme, the dated synth theme from Beverly Hills Cop, and mobile ringtone technology outsold Coldplay's "Speed of Sound" single four to one in the UK and reached the top of the charts in 12 countries. (Mercifully, it only reached as high as #50 in the United States. U.S.A! U.S.A!) While Americans largely failed to succumb to this novelty musical mania, I personally was forced to sit through three consecutive (and manslaughter-inspiring) plays of this abomination on the digital jukebox of a local watering hole. Even this limited exposure was enough for me to name it my most hated song of the Ought-Five.
A link to the video for the curious and/or those with masochistic tendencies.
Which version of Fiona Apple's Extraordinary Machine is superior - the shelved (but leaked) Jon Brion version (as favored by Pitchfork), or the official Mike Elizondo-produced release (championed by David Browne of EW.) Debating the merits of whether she is best served by a spare backing arrangement or more baroque, Weill-esque instrumentation distracts from the important task at hand - making popcorn in anticipation of Fiona's televised breakdown at a major 2006 awards ceremony. It's been 6 long years since her last album, and Papa needs a healthy dose of the crazy from my favorite emotionally fragile diva.
If there was one artificial grouping of musicians that made music geeks feel even more self-satisfied in 2005, it was Freak Folk. The genre had everything a hipster could possibly desire:
My prediction is that the scene will tire of the harps, glockenspiels and acid-drenched marching band music, and instead embrace a more traditional version of the New Folk in the coming year. We already have the highly anticipated new album by Cat Power - Chan Marshall is this generation's very own Oxycontin-addled Joni Mitchell - leading the charge in early 2006.
I'm addicted to year-end lists mostly because I'm lazy and they save me the trouble of formulating my own thoughts about what I liked over the past 12 months. After careful perusal of Metacritic's convenient compendium Best of 2005 lists, I've decided that the good folks at PopMatters came closest to my sensibilities. It thankfully avoids one of my pet peeves about the year-end list - critics who feel the need to exclude an album over which they've soiled themselves all year in favor of a last-minute entry designed to solidify their credibility. Why, for example, include the great Wolf Parade album you earlier rated at 4.5 out of 5 ironic t-shirts on your blog when instead you can be cooler than the other kids by ranking an obscure Finnish death-prog/French musique concrète collagist/Brazilian irono-rap release in your Top Ten? PM's list didn't try to be controversial or groundbreaking - it simply gathered together an armful of albums that rarely left our players all year. Other thoughts:
And so ends my 2005 Retrospective, and what a wonderful note to end on! I hope you all have a fantastic New Year's Eve and a Happy New Year! Avoid Ryan Seacrest at all costs! See you in 2006!*
*My father once told me he'd see me next year on New Year's Eve and I cried and cried. I was a sensitive and somewhat dim child.
Mallory at 12/30/2005 04:54:00 PM
2 Comments
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at 12:19 AM
said... Happily, the two reached a peaceful détente, allowing the Cotton Candy Queen to reascend her Rainbow Throne on a golden unicorn to choirs of sparkly, melismatic seraphim. The world is a shinier place for it.
Ha! Awesome! Awesome! I would TOTALLY buy a Mariah album called Golden Unicorn! I'm glad you went with that!-
at 11:58 AM
said...
Applause! Applause! This was an awesome cameo appearance.
-Pasha