Sunday, November 06, 2005
Oh, Britters
Could it be? Could Britney Spears have a spare brain cell rolling around in her frappuccino addled head that encouraged her to make a positive decision? Because some outlets are reporting that she kicked Kevin "Freeloader" Federline out of their mansion in order to get breathing room. A more reputable news outlet, E!, had an item about Britney and Kevin on their little scroller thingy this morning but I was too wrapped up in watching their THS Investigates: Murder and the Media while I got dressed for work to pay any attention and only saw, "Spears and Federline have been married since last year". What could this mean?! Could she really have that much sense? Did Mama Lynne finally get through to her? Was Kevin actually bringing his tricks back to their home instead of discreetly meeting them in the backseat of parked cars? I wonder...
IN BRITNEY'S FAVOR
POINTS AGAINST BRITNEY
I probably shouldn't go on. Logic dictates that the girl ain't bright, but part of me really wants Britney to be a hidden mastermind, plotting the systematic humiliation of Kevin Federline and Justin Timberlake (perhaps even simultaneously), being outed as the real White House leak and embezzling from a Fortune 500 company. That is the same part of me that likes her greatest hits album and watches UPN sitcoms. The dim, delusional part.
I was discussing Sienna Miller with a co-worker the other day. Well, maybe discussing isn't the right word.
Mallory: You know, from some angles, Sienna Miller looks like Camilla Parker-Bowles.
Co-Worker: Who?
Mallory: Um, the Duchess of Cornwall?
Co-Worker: No, I knew that. Who was the other one?
Mallory: Sienna Miller. She was in Alfie? She got cheated on by Jude Law? She was on that show Keen Eddie?
Co-Worker: (Blank Stare)
Mallory: She's blonde? She insidiously stole the style of Kate Moss and is lauded as an icon for it?
Co-Worker: Kate Moss the drug addict?
Mallory: Focus!
Co-Worker: The girl who wears the leggings?
That conversation encapsulated so much about the celebrity of Sienna Miller and that one sentence--the girl who wears the leggings--summed her up entirely. WHY IS SHE SO FAMOUS? In their story on America's Next Top Model (or lack thereof, the New York Times offers this critique from a fashion industry insider:
"Vogue is going to run a cover of Sienna Miller...As far as most Americans are concerned, this woman is famous for dating a man who made three flops in a row...She's roadkill but these editors still insist that she can sell more magazines than a picture of Daria."
And I died of laughter. Seriously, I out and out cackled when I read that, raising a few eyebrows in the process (people at work are not used to my showing positive emotion of any kind). It's so true! She's nothing! Less than nothing! Let's investigate:
Kate Moss did it first and Kate Moss did it better. I, personally, feel uncomfortable living in a world where a girl who hardly ever wears shoes is lauded as fashionable, I'm sorry. M-K Olsen also does the boho look but cleverly mixes in the oversized, bag lady part of it, making it more unique. Sienna? Derivative.
Can we just talk about the girl's C.V. for a second? She was on a failed FOX sitcom that aired for 13 episodes, and she was in two movies that nobody saw: Alfie (which, fine, I did see) and Layer Cake, and she has a high profile role in Casanova, coming soon. Which...okay, you guys? If she is this famous, where is the mass tabloid love for Linda Cardelini, huh? She was on a (genius!) failed sitcom and should be popular because of that. Is it the taint of ER that is keeping her out of the public eye? I mean, really. Two film roles and a bad TV show shouldn't propel you to the cover of Vogue.
Yes, she is. Very pretty, actually. I am notoriously shallow and like pretty things and, normally, would be pro-Sienna just for that, but no. Okay? No. There are other pretty people in the industry and they are not this popular. Can't we give our praise to Zooey Deschanel?
Is this what is getting her attention? You could say the same for Liz Hurley, I guess, except that La Liz is a)fierce and b)in possession of the dress.
In conclusion: Sienna is boring. Please, media insiders, take note of this and stop putting her on the pages of your magazines. The world will thank you.
I am afraid of what will happen when Rent hits theaters. There is a segment of the world scarily obsessed with that show and I am afraid of the prospect that people will be singing songs in the streets. I didn't see the original production, so I don't know if he did it then, but why is Adam Pascal all stilted and British in the trailer? Between that and that damn "525,600 minutes" song, the trailer is a nonstop assault on my fragile mind.
The Victoria's Secret fashion show is this Wednesday, which is notable for two reasons. Firstly, it is the last show Tyra Banks will do with them. Tear! Going off to focus on things like the treatment of the overweight in society, Tyra ends and long and lucrative career with VS and you know what? The woman is hokey as hell and really sort of annoying, but I can't help but like her anyway. It's probably residual love for creating ANTM.
Secondly, Caroline Trentini will be walking in the VS show and this disturbs me. For starters, the girl has one expression, which is bitchface. It's just going to be "Here's bitchface in a bra!" "Here's bitchface with ginormous wings on her back!" And--the girl isn't fit for lingerie modeling. In fact, there are few models less cut out for lingerie than she is (I am thinking of Jade Parfitt in particular, mostly because we'd all die of blindness if exposed to her wearing VS goods). Yuck.
Big ups to Not (That) Ugly for the new layout. It's bright and fun! Hurrah!
Mallory at 11/06/2005 03:24:00 PM
4 Comments
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at 5:13 PM
seanlmccarthy said... Mallory,
Like the new layout. Especially the dots. Which reminds me, I've been meaning to update my blog template for quite some time -- any thoughts?
Sean-
at 7:55 PM
said... RENT is already taking over the knitting communities. Everyone wants to make some dumb striped scarf from the show.
I can't watch the previews for it without getting the "Everyone has AIDS!" song from Team America stuck in my head. Which is better than having "Seasons of Love" in there. That song just sucks, and even in my time as an obnoxious Broadway loving teenager, a time I look back on in horror, I still hated the shit out of that song.-
at 6:25 AM
Rayanne Graff said...
Squee! The new layout is fantastic! Love love love it.
I'm convinced Britney is not as dumb as she appears. Mocking Federline can't have come from nowhere.-
at 6:27 AM
Poker Rating said...
Amazingly! Amazingly!