Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Baseball Has Been Very Very Good to Me
So. Derek Jeter received racist hate mail which, in this day and age, is really shocking and upsetting (though he remains unfazed by it all, ever the captain).
He is on the cover of the Daily News today with the headline "No Sweat" and there is a picture of him with his head cocked to the side and one eye closed and it almost looks like he's winking so you can look at the paper, if you're so inclined, and theorize that he is winking at you. Which I did not do.
Obviously, this is not the time to be glib, but I feel the need to state, for the record, that should Derek want to really stick it to the haters and start dating the whitest girl in the world (like, nearly translucent*), I am available. I mean, sure, I'm not exactly on par with past flames like Tyra Banks and Jessica Alba in terms of scorchingness but when it comes down to true WASP looks and relative non-neediness, I'm your girl. As a cruel hater (he knows who he is) pointed out, Derek is a true mama's boy and that's perfect! I get along smashingly with mothers! I am squeaky clean!
I'll hand out cookies and pamphlets.
This leads almost naturally into the observation that the final week of the regular MLB season is upon us, and it's fun reading and watching debates about who will advance in the playoffs, who should win the MVP Award and how many times in the face Tim McCarver should be kicked**.
Of course, of course, of course, the Yankees and the Red Sox enter this week in a tie for first place and their two biggest offensive threats (Alex Rodriguez*** and David Ortiz) are the frontrunners for the AL MVP. It's the sports media's wet dream.
I can't put into words how sick I am of reading about the Yankees/Red Sox rivalry. I can't. I am so, so bored with it, and I follow both teams. I can only imagine how people who don't give a damn one way or another about either team feel. Jim Caple said it best by comparing the two to Ross and Rachel. Hee.
The AL Rookie of the Year race has the potential to be interesting. The three biggest names mentioned most often are Robinson Cano, Gustavo Chacin and CLC's boyfriend Huston Street****. All of them have strong points, though I wonder if Street will be unfairly penalized for having two rookie teammates (Swisher and Johnson), being the son of a man who was friends with Elvis and looking better in a skirt than the rest of us do. Though Cano gives him competition in that last category...
It's almost wrong how amused I am by rookie hazing. I think I'm a bad person, a feeling I have sometimes about how ugly I find Jay Gibbons. I mean, he's a person, I should be appalled by how repulsed I am by him. But I'm not. I'm okay with being cruel.
Oh! To continue on my mean baseball tangent, may I say that I laughed until I cried when I read about how sad Curt Schilling is this season :o(? Because I did.
''Somebody on this team wants me to get booed to make them feel better, and that really bothers me a lot," said Schilling, 38, who hopes to pitch two more years. ''Those are the kinds of things that really make me look at this game and understand that when I'm done in the game, I'll be done with the game."
Schilling said he suspected the same teammate gave an anonymous quote to the Herald last week in which he aired a similar gripe. Citing the lack of a public backlash against Schilling for his subpar season -- the Sox ace is 7-8 with a 5.89 ERA -- the player was quoted as saying, ''When he comes into the game, people cheer him like he's the Pope? You think they'd let Pedro [Martinez] get away with this? Why does he get a free pass?"
Oh. Oh, that's rich. I just got a stomach cramp. Way to make it all about you, Curt.
I wonder who it was. The quote itself is too well worded to have come from Manny, or Cro-Damon for that matter (though he made similar statements when Schilling became the closer over Mike Timlin which worked out so well, huh, Johnny?) Others suspect that it may be Keith Foulke. I dunno, but whoever it is, I will like them for at least a day for hurting Curt Schilling's feelings. The man is worse than A-Rod when it comes to saying stupid things to the press, and I hate his desire to be the prettiest girl at every party.
Then there's the NL, which mystifies me what with its antiquated ways (not really), with the West division offering a champion with a record below .500. They also have their own wild card race between the Astros and the Phillies with 1.5 games in between them, but I am not that interested because I don't like either team and my current imaginary husband Grady Sizemore does not play for either one.
I believe that was it, and I am not sure that any of the above makes sense, but I am in an awfully excitable mood, so I am not concerned with new fangled notions like "sentence structure" and "theme".
*Have you ever noticed that when a celebrity is pale, the media is all, "Oh, her porcelain skin is flawless!" but in real life, people are all, "Walk outside once in a while, Vampira"? That's not right.
**Okay, nobody has actually started that debate...until now. I vote six.
***My father claims that A-Rod is the one sending Derek Jeter the hate mail, because he is perturbed that Derek isn't paying him attention. If you ever wonder why I am the way I am, look no further than him.
****Remember when Oakland was in the middle of this very same pennant race before I started rooting for them, thereby jinxing them? Good times, good times.
Mallory at 9/27/2005 04:42:00 PM
3 Comments
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at 9:15 PM
CLC said... This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
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at 9:16 PM
CLC said...
Ah, September baseball. And it is clear we continue to be kindred spirits:
Re. Jeter: Oh Captain, My Captain. Mmmm. Love, love, love him. Though, as you have been so kind as to concede Huston to me (oh, I am so Mrs. Robinson), I am in total support of your campaign to land Derek. Hey, I would definitely sport a "Mallory for Mrs. Jeter" shirt. That would be rock.
Re. this hate letter thing. How pathetic is this ridiculous hate monger penning these letters? What a loser. The A-Rod theory is definitely intriguing here. The man does after all require the help of two different therapists (not that there is anything wrong with that), so one never knows what he is capable of. ;)
The Robinson Cano pic was hilarious. And is yet further evidence that being a ballplayer is, no matter how much Barry Bonds may kvetch to the contrary, really fun. Alternately hanging in the clubhouse and running around on perhaps the most perfect creation of man ever - the baseball diamond - getting paid handsomely as a man to play a boy's game, seems like a pretty sweet deal to me. At a recent outing to the cavernous Coliseum, sitting on the 3B line, I noted that bullpen catcher would probably be a pretty sweet gig. It is a non-roster position, doesn't require a lot of coordination and/or dexterity, and yet comes with all of the other perks (well, except for the actual playing and the getting paid part). Might have to add that to my list of possible alternate careers, though given my weak arm, and, well, the fact that, well, I am a girl, really make that a stretch.
Re. the A's slide - don't feel bad. It isn't you. I promise. The support is both appreciated and necessary. The issue here is one of injury, peaking too early, and, well, just not having the baseball gods in their corner (how does no one not notice that the A's are the only team in the AL who DIDN'T get to play the Devil Rays and/or Kansas City in September... but anyway). Now don't get me wrong, it kills me to watch this. Last night I went on a raving tirade about how much I hate rally monkeys and the city of L.A., and stupid fat Mike Scioscia and many, many unkind things about K. Rod and his mother. Probably the result of a mix of my disappointment, my genuine dislike of them, and all the wine at dinner. Anyway, in the cold light of the hungover morning, I realized that the A's are not firing on all cylinders right now and if perchance a miracle ensues and they make it to the playoffs, they wouldn't very likely make it past the first round. If they lost again in the first round, I really don't know that I could take it. My poor little heart would surely break in two. I don't know. I am just bewildered and disappointed. And I am having salt rubbed in my wound by the Giants' fans who are gleeful that they are just 3 games out now. Yes, but they are still 8 games UNDER 500!!!! Agh!!! The entire National League West should be annexed from the MLB. It is disgraceful.
But anyway, I have gone on too long. So sorry.
It's that September baseball - the agony and the ecstasy of it all - it gets me fired up every time.-
at 9:15 AM
said... For me too