Sunday, August 28, 2005
What's In A Name?
It is becoming readily apparent to me that I am a poison of sorts; a "life ruiner", if you will. I theorized that the Royals would never win again, and they went ahead and took 2 of 3 from the A's, whose offense stopped existing mere moments after I pledged allegiance to them. I spent days craving a Frosty from Wendy's, and then had to get wisdom teeth taken out, meaning that anything cold was forbidden. Not three days ago, I mentally thanked the people responsible for ousting Kristen McMenamy from the modeling world, only to see her in a Marc Jacobs ad.
This, of course, can easily be connected to my being named Mallory which, in addition to being synonymous with Family Ties means "One who is unlucky", derived from the French malheureux, meaning ill-fated. It seems so wrong, doesn't it? It's like my parents had it out for me, giving me bad luck, a propensity for 80s fashion, on top of a name that people bastardize on the regular. Malory. Mallorie. Malloreigh.
Due to my unfortunate circumstances, I have become an advocate of sorts for the Responsible Naming of Babies (RNB). For this reason, and this reason only, I have turned a keen eye towards expectant celebrities like Jennifer Garner and Britney Spears, worrying what names that they'd choose for their own child.
I suppose it's time for me to admit my strange fascination with the Celebrity Baby Blog. I know it's wrong and vaguely (or even obviously) creepy and yet, there I am, reading about how one of the actresses who played Carrie on Days of Our Lives for, like, a minute, had a baby that they don't know the name of.
[This seems like as good a time as any to admit to having a past obsession with Days of Our Lives, to the point where I got a Days book for Christmas one year that gave me all of the backstories dating back to the first show, so I have an uncanny knowledge of it all, though I can proudly say that I have been Days free since I learned that the victims of the Salem Stalker weren't really dead, but in another world or something. If I'm being honest, I should also admit that this has more to do with conflicting schedules than it does a hard nosed boycott, but that's okay, right?]
Anyhoo, the blog gives up to the minute information of celebrity babies like Apple Martin and Coco Arquette, as well as expectant parents like Spears and Garner, and random information about Donny Osmond's grandchild (?) for the three people out there who were wondering about it. It's a good reminder of how bizarre celebrity baby names really are and it makes me both excited and wary of seeing what Britney Spears will choose (Negi has planned to trademark her guess of Kayleeley Lynn Sparkle Federline).
Oddly named celebrity offspring aren't exactly new or anything, but celebrities seem to be getting more brazen about their bizarre name choices. Some of them I don't mind (the aforementioned Apple and Coco are the type of names that can be pulled off by a certain kind of person), some are so overdone (Lola and Ava are two that come to mind) and some are just cruel.
I am all about creativity and originality and it's true that I'm glad that I never had eight other girls in my classes with the same name as me, but...Laird? Why would you do that to a child? At least Poet Sienna Rose is whimsical and somewhat aesthetically pleasing. Laird is just icky.
Oh! Throwing the whole "Writing about one topic" idea to the wind, I had just been pondering the whereabouts of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, and had thought about checking the news to make sure Katie hadn't been slaughtered in a ritual Scientologist sacrifice (not that I think Scientologists do any of that, they seem the type to camp out with binoculars eagerly awaiting an alien invasion), but then I picked up US Weekly (It was sitting on my desk as I walked into work this morning. Somebody loves me, or perhaps they just left it here), and saw that they have New Wedding Plans. Sources say "They can't stand to be apart!" and "[Katie] hasn't picked a dress yet but is looking at lost of styles" for the wedding that they guess will happen between November and May. The article is accompanied by a picture of Tom strangling Katie, who is smiling like a stroke victim despite the pain.
There is also a disturbing spread asking celebrities when they lost their virginity. That's a highly personal question, isn't it? Celebrities with no boundaries like Jessica Simpson, Fergie and Tara Reid answer. Hilariously, Tara says "It was down at my Jersey Shore beach house...on the sand. It was disgusting. Four hundred mosquitoes. I had hives everywhere." Hives, Tara? That's precious.
The magazine also boasts a huge advert for Tyra's new talk show, with her forehead cunningly hidden, too much Hilary Duff and a "Jessica vs. Ashlee: Who Wore It Best?" article. Can I choose death?
Mallory at 8/28/2005 02:16:00 PM
1 Comments
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at 9:51 PM
said... hi, this is the first time on this blog - and i was wondering if anyone knew anything about baby-modeling or how to get my child into modeling. I found a site about **baby modeling** and i was wondering if anyone had bought whateve it is that they want to sell