Sunday, July 03, 2005
Damn You, Geldof!
As many of you with television or internet access know, yesterday was Live 8, 10 free concerts all around the world that helped to raise awareness for African poverty. Bob Geldof, who I previously blasted for his blatant Spice Girls hateration, called it the GREATEST CONCERT OF ALL TIME a claim that I refuse to acknowledge, given that the Black Eyed Peas were on the lineup.
(Aside: Rumors are swirling [well, in Star, they are] that Fergie of the BEP is engaged to Josh Duhamel. Is this his way of coming out of the closet? Because I will not entertain the notion, for one second, that Fergie was born female)
Popular Thinking has an impressive, in depth look at the show(s) in question. There were many highlights, like Madonna singing "Like A Prayer" , U2, Madonna singing "Like A Prayer", Pink Floyd playing together for the first time in twenty years, Madonna singing "Like A Prayer", etc. But there were also some lowlights, chief among them the aforementioned Black Eyed Pease, Guy From Maroon 5 (Adam...Levine? Whatever) singing with Stevie Wonder (I have as much a right to sing with Stevie Wonder as he does, and I am tone deaf), as well as Destiny's Child. Beyonce introduced a song with a heartfelt message, explaining that the song was going to change the world, heal the people and take on a new, special, meaning. The song? Say My Name. Shut up, Beyonce.
The guy from The Verve, who I'm sure has a name but I don't know it and I don't care enough to look it up, sang "Bittersweet Symphony" with Coldplay as his backing band, which was on the awesome side, even given the presence of Chris Martin and his unfortunate face on the stage. I have to say, however, that his and Gwyneth's daughter Apple is the cutest ever. Ever!
Also, yesterday, Venus Williams rallied to beat Lindsay Davenport at the Wimbledon final in what was, by all accounts, an amazing match. I love Venus Williams, so I am thrilled; almost as thrilled as I was when she beat Maria Sharapova.
I have this enormous dislike of Maria Sharapova that is completely irrational and hardly even her fault, but I can't help it. I am increasingly skeeved out by the marketing campaigns that are focused solely on how hot she is. Yes, she's a very pretty girl, but there's something profoundly...icky about practically seeing up her shorts in a commercial for a camera or seeing her doing a "sultry" pose on ESPN The Magazine with the headline "How Hot Is Too Hot?" or hearing Mike O'Malley perv all over her in the commercials for the ESPY Awards. It makes me feel like a dirty old man, and I am only a 22 year old girl.
And also, she's annoying. In the ESPN interview, she mentioned how she wants to be a model and it's like, girl, please. Why can't you just play tennis? Christ.
Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck were married and officially confirmed that they are having a baby. Their secret wedding (and that of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin) prove that it is, in fact, possible for a celebrity to get married without the paparazzi there so take notes for you next weddings, Britney Spears and Jennifer Lopez!
To Ms. Garner-Affleck, all I can say is good luck and don't expect your husband to win any father of the year awards if he continues to look like this.
In TOM&KATIEOMG news, Scientology continues to be an exceedingly creepy factor in their lives. Consider:
SINCE Katie Holmes hooked up with Tom Cruise and the Scientologists, she's not allowed to be alone - ever. When Holmes accompanied Cruise to a recent taping of "The View," eyebrows were raised when she wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom alone. At one point, Cruise asked where the bathroom was and "took Katie with him into the men's room," an insider says. Later, when Holmes needed to go, "three Scientologists followed her in." A rep for "The View" said, "We don't follow guests to the bathroom." Some were also concerned because Holmes "looks like she hasn't slept in weeks."
(From PageSix)
When not being stalked by her fiancee, Katie is constantly shadowed by a Scientologist babysitter named Jessica Rodgriguez. Jessica is constantly present in photos of Katie, like this. Just lurking. And watching. And being creepy. Although she has a nice purse.
Were one to investigate Ms. Rodriguez, they would learn that she is incredibly active in the creepy world of Scientology. From Hollywood Elsewhere:
According to a Scientology magazine called Source in reporting that Rodriguez "ascended to the level of 'New Operating Thetan IV' (the same as Cruise) in January 2004.
"According to sources close to the Church, this means Rodriguez has joined the elite group of Scientologists who've been enlightened with the six-figure secrets of Xenu, the evil intergalactic ruler who implanted 'thetans,' or alien spirits, in earth's volcanoes 75 million years ago, after which they escaped and invaded human bodies...[Are they fucking kidding with this?-ed.]
"As a 'new OT IV,' Rodriguez has the power to 'control life, thought, matter, energy, space, and time,' [...-ed.] according to Scientology's official site. Rodriguez has the ability to spot any 'suppressive persons' who interact with her celebrity charge."
(Emphasis mine)
Um.
Does anybody else have an urge to lock their doors and windows and huddle in the corner? Or is it just me? Because there's creepy and then there's "Holy fuck, stop the world, I want to get off." If you'd like to read up more on the elite SeaOrg group, check this out, but remember to sleep with the lights on.
Perhaps my intolerance is showing but, okay, people really fall for that shit? I mean, I'm not saying that Tom Cruise, John Travolta and Kirstie Alley are, like, geniuses or anything, but do they actually believe that? For real? Because when I hear things like this, all I can think of is a really, really bad scifi movie. And yet...people willingly convert to this religion. It boggles my mind.
In the "Oh, Snap!" category: Brooke Shields hits out against the world's tiniest hater of psychiatry. Tom? You got served.
In baseball news, Fug King Jay Gibbons lifts the Orioles over Coco Crisp and the Indians, Bernie Williams slides into 5th place on the all-time Yankee hit list in a rare win over the Tigers, Carlos Beltran makes a bobbleheaded play on Carlos Beltran Bobblehead day, and it looks like John Franco's career is over, just shy of his 150th birthday.
Mallory at 7/03/2005 11:13:00 AM