Sunday, July 17, 2005
Damn Dirty Hippies
Flipping through the pages of Vogue or watching a fashion show (or flipping through photos of such on Style.com) undoubtedly leads to gasps of horror and stifled laughter. "Who," you ask, "would wear that?! Even Gemma Ward looks embarrassed and she's getting paid to wear that!"
While design houses often use fencing and ribbon to fashion their new seasonal lines, you could always count on ready-to-wear lines and department stores to bring about reasonable alternatives. A year ago, the world was filled with pinks and tweeds and classics and we were all the better for it. This year, though, clothing manufacturers decided to continue borrowing from the high fashion folk and launch what disturbingly seems to be a renaissance of the hippie era.
From Nordstrom and Macys to stores like Express and Charlotte Rousse, the retro hippie look is plaguing the nation and I'm at a loss to explain it. For starters, the clothes aren't flattering. If they can manage to look wrong in Elle magazine being modeled by girls who are 6'1" and 98 pounds, how are they going to look on the average person? And the clothes are just-well, let's look for ourselves, shall we?
GAUCHOS
Who, ever, in the world would want to wear a clothing item that got its name from a South American cattle herder? Gauchos pass themselves off as being reminiscent of capri pants and pedal pushers, but while the latter conjure images of Audrey Hepburn, the former, in all of its wide-legged glory, can't help from being ugly.
PONCHOS
My nemesis. Unless you want to look like you weigh 860 pounds, you should avoid the poncho at all costs. Perhaps it's just my inherent snobbery coming out, but I have issues with wearing something that easily can be assembled out of a paper bag.
TUNICS
For when you want to have the comfort of a poncho, but you want to jazz it up a bit. I believe that most, if not all, wearers of tunics look pregnant in them. With the popularity of the tunic rising, I fear that a muumuu revolution may not be far behind.
UGGS
Still with the Uggs! Has no one learned?! Why are we still taking fashion cues from Britney Spears? And combining the Ugg fugliness with CLOGS? Sweet Jesus, it's a smorgasboard of ugly.
Honestly, it's highly upsetting to me. These are the real weapons of mass destruction!
In similarly sad news, Sandra Bullock was married.
Actress Sandra Bullock married mechanic and reality TV star Jesse James
That really says it all, doesn't it? James was previously married to porn star Janine Lindemulder, who he left while she was pregnant (and he later demanded a paternity test). Charming. How Sandra goes from dating Matthew McConaughey and Ryan Gosling to this, I'll never know.
I know that Fergie being ugly is nothing new, but she looks like a burn victim on the cover of Cosmo.
To round this entry out, under the theme of "Things That Are Horrifying", I present to you this:
Malcolm in the Middle's Frankie Muniz has gotten engaged to his girlfriend, Jamie, whom he met in New Orleans this spring while shooting a movie, PEOPLE has learned. The 19-year-old actor's publicist, Cara Tripicchio, confirmed the news to PEOPLE, adding that no wedding date has been set.
The rep declined to give out the last name of Muniz's fiancée but said she's not an actress, she's from New Orleans, and the pair met in her hometown this spring while Muniz was filming the horror movie Stay Alive, costarring The O.C. and Entourage's Samaire Armstrong.
Muniz also is continuing with his long-running FOX comedy Malcolm, which begins its seventh season this fall.
1. Why?
2. ProActiv is not that expensive, Frankie.
3. Why?
4. Malcolm in the Middle is still on the air?
5. Why?
Mallory at 7/17/2005 02:19:00 PM
1 Comments
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at 5:39 PM
CLC said... OMG, thank you, thank you, thank you for bringing much needed attention to the scourge known as the tunic top which continues to ravage our fair land, unopposed and, inexplicably embraced by those it consumes in its wake.
Seriously, the tunic top pisses me off because *no one* looks good in them. And the thing is, I think everyone secretly thinks that, but no one wants to say anything because they think everyone else actually thinks they are flattering. And I like the way Saks and Neimans et al. like to try to make them sound more exotic by calling them smocks or caftans. Caftan, really? I hear "caftan" and I imagine retiree in FL sitting around with a vodka gimlet in one hand and a lit-Benson & Hedges cigarette in the other. Very glam.
Okay - rant over. Was just so happy to finally find someone else who agreed with me. Believe it or not, I have had some fairly heated discussions about this particular fashion, ummm, statement, and everyone always says, "But they're so cute and so flattering too." And then they move on to profess a love for the peasant skirts that are all the rage now. *Sigh* Don't even get me started on those...
And as for Fergie - ick! I cannot believe she is marrying my boyfriend. What is Joshie thinking? Probably whatever Frankie Muniz is thinking. Did he learn nothing from the Macaulay Culkin early whirlwind marriage debacle? And "Jamie" (is that her stage name?) looks like a busted X-tina retread. Oooh.