Saturday, July 23, 2005
Betrayal
Is it possible to feel betrayed by someone you don't know, whose betrayal had nothing to do with you or anyone you know? Because that's the sort of emotional upheaval I'm going through right now, in light of the week's breaking news development that Jude Law is, in fact, a big old horndog.
My thought process on this scandal went something like this--
1. Ew, the nanny? How gauche.
2. Why would you cheat on Sienna Miller? Don't most men normally cheat to get with the 23 year old blonde?
3. I'd never have to deal with this with Ewan McGregor
4. That heffa of a nanny is ruining the name Daisy for me
The stories started flying fast. Cribbing from the plot of Alfie, they had sex on a pool table, among other places, before being walked in on by one of his kids. Um? While horrifically skeezy, it did lead to possibly the best headline of all time. First, Jude allegedly blamed Sienna:
'Rather than feeling guilty and contrite he has turned the whole thing against Sienna,' said one. 'He said if she is not partying she is sleeping and he completely blames her for what he has done. 'He told her, "I told you I was unhappy. I told you I needed you to be there for me. Why didn't you listen to me?" '
Then, Sienna took off her engagement ring, while Jude Law's ex Sadie Frost offered her support, while it was reported that homewrecking heffa Daisy draws the line at threesomes. Sleeping with an engaged man is okay, but threesome are bad, mmkay?
Jude then apologized publicly for hurting Sienna which, homeboy, too little too late.
I don't get it. I mean, if Jude Law wanted to have sex with every woman in the free world, he could (that level of pretty has its perks, you know). So why, like four days after getting divorced, did he get engaged? If he wanted to let the freak flag fly, go ahead and fly it, but there was no reason for him to get engaged, only to cheat on Sienna.
The plot thickened. The world wondered why the nanny had a glamour shot but this bit of news from Holy Moly may answer that one. One may say that Holy Moly is not a reliable news source but they have never steered me wrong which is more than I can say for NBC (don't think I'll forget the 2000 Election so soon!)
Q/ Which ex-actress/knicker sewer with the initials Sadie Frost hired a nanny who after confessing to shag her ex-husband, suggested Max Clifford as a shoulder to cry on?
A/ oh.
(Max Clifford, of course, being a top-notch UK publicist)
How nefarious! I mean, I don't know that it's true, since the only thing I can see Sadie coordinating is a trip downtown for good ecstasy, but still. That is, in a word, delicious.
Oh, Jude. I always knew you were a scoundrel, but I thought you capable of rehabilitation. This is just icky.
Misty water-colored memories of the way we were
In a somewhat related story, how pissed was I to see Today covering this story, as well as Colin Farrell's sex tape and the possible remarriage of Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson? Maybe I was mistaken, but I thought they were supposed to cover the real news? Like, I don't know, say...Karl Rove?
Anyhoo, they had several people from Best Week Ever to come make "jokes" about these scandals and I once again railed against the unfairness of a world that gives those people a platform like that to be unfunny while others who are consistently amusing get no fanfare.
And speaking of unfunny, VH1-related people-Why, ESPNClassic, why do you employ the Sklar brothers on the show Cheap Seats? Perhaps I shouldn't go around so blithely admitting that I watch ESPN Classic on occasion. It's only to see the scores at the bottom, I swear! (And even then, I only manage to catch the scores for, like, cycling) At any rate--Jason and Randy Sklar are, quite possibly, the least funny human beings on the planet, and I say this with no exaggeration. They used to appear on VH1 shows occasionally, proving that my theory about the horridness of VH1 commentators is fully true, and they're not funny here. They're--it's like, bizarre how not funny they are. I don't understand how ESPN, who employs Stuart Scott, can give these two fools a show. Then again, I feel that Stuart Scott should have his own network, so maybe I'm biased.
But HONESTLY, TV Networks, stop polluting the airwaves with unfunny people. If I wanted to see someone lamely prattle on about pop culture, I'd videotape myself.
Miami Vice: Ew.
Mallory at 7/23/2005 11:01:00 AM