Thursday, May 19, 2005
Thoughts
My love affair with UPN is over. Now I can go back to judging others for their poor taste in television without that shameful secret looming over me.
It all started with Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, which was just...I don't know what adjectives to use. It was dumb and skeevy but even worse--it was dreadfully dull. I mean, I know from dumb and skeevy celebreality shows, but this show nearly put me to sleep. I didn't care to hear so much about Britney and Kevin (who looks like a perp on Cops) and their sex life, nor did I want to see up Britney's nostrils as often as I did.
It was like Truth or Dare had Madonna no brain cells and even poorer taste in men.
Then, on the finale of America's Next Top Model, they crowned Naima the winner, despite being dreadfully dull, with a propensity to have dead eyes in her photos and rocking an outdated mohawk. I didn't hate Naima, per se, but I loved Kahlen who was incredibly versatile and lovely. I suppose I should be happy that Keenyah didn't win. It's a damn shame that a girl with an attitude and hairstyle as bad as hers made it to the top three. I can't find a picture of the horror of her hair--it was an asymmetrical blunt cut and it turned into a helmet of sorts and it made her jaw look huge.
There was a fantastic moment of bitchiness from Janice Dickinson, as she listed the designers she was a muse for, but it wasn't enough.
At least I won't have to see a zillion and one commercials for Kevin Hill anymore. I mean, yes, Taye Diggs is pretty, but the man can't act. Let's get that out in the open, okay? Much like his Brown Sugar costar Boris Kodjoe--hot, but can't act. At. All.
(Brown Sugar has the best looking cast, does it not? Taye Diggs, Boris Kodjoe and MOS DEF? Awesome. The hotness of the cast, I mean, not the movie. Which wasn't as awesome as it could have been. But I still own it. I'm not proud.)
I don't know that Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney will win any awards for most romantic couple:
Kenny Chesney's proposal to Renee Zelweger was no "candlelight dinner and bent knee" affair. In fact, Chesney says there was no proposal at all. "She wouldn't let me, really. She just told me to name a town and place and she'd be there," the country singer said Tuesday after the 40th Academy of Country Music Awards show. Asked what it's like being married, Chesney replied: "To be honset with you, it's not all that different. I'm just not searching anymore."
Really, what the hell is going on with these two? Did she want to get married that badly that she went out and found the first gay cowboy who'd walk down the aisle with her? Need I remind us all that this woman dated George Clooney?
If she wanted a ring on her finger and was willing to marry a man of questionable sexuality, she should have gone for Tom Cruise. They could have worked the whole former costar angle, and she'd get red roses and Armani swag, not an emotionless tractor guy.
Use your head next time, Renee. Because you know there will be a next time.
It would be near impossible for Brittany Murphy to look better than she does right now. Simply stunning.
Not too long ago, she was a tiny little crackwhore. But then, right when she and Ashton Kutcher ended things, she cleaned up her act and turned fab.
This, of course, led me to concoct a theory that, under no circumstances, should one date a castmember of That 70's Show. Let's recap:
The one exception, of course, is Mila Kunis and Macauley Culkin, who has not become more screwed up since dating her. However, it's near impossible for him to become even more fucked up than he was already, so they don't count.
Thanks for the compliments on the new layout, courtesy of Francey. It's easier on my eyes. Apparently, you turn 22 and can't see well or otherwise function in society.
Mallory at 5/19/2005 12:50:00 PM
5 Comments
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at 5:12 PM
Rayanne Graff said... I have to take issue with the dissing both of the Topher and the Ginnifer.
Firstly because Topher, although skinny, is the cuteness, and should not be tainted by his unfortunate association with the other '70s Show skeeves.
Secondly because, in true FT style, I look like GInnifer Goodwin (I can prove it by linking to a picture of her and saying so!) so she is not to be dissed, mmmkay?-
at 5:53 PM
Mallory said...
I do admit that Topher stands apart from the skeeves. But still--scrawny.
And you are way prettier than Ginnifer Goodwin, so I retain my right to make fun of her.-
at 7:23 PM
said... Oh, I was rooting for Kahlen too! Her pictures were consistently good, where Naima's were less so. Oh well -- I have to agree that I am glad that Keenyah didn't win.
I so enjoy reading your blog, by the way. :)-
at 1:59 PM
Mallory said...
Aww, thanks, Sarah! I'm hoping that Kahlen gets modeling work anyway, regardless of losing the competition. She was robbed!
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at 3:47 PM
said...
Miss B, I must join you in your walk of UPN-watching shame! I cannot believe I let CERTAIN friends of mine who shall not be named actually drag me to a goddamn VIEWING party for a certain sleazy celebreality show that shall not be named and shall never pass from my lips again, except cushioned between curses. Because... come one, ewww.
And ANTM is a big snooze too. We all know by now that the chances of it creating even semi-legit contestants like the adorable Elyse of first season are dwindling faster than Janine's ratio of human parts to metallic/silicone ones.... but the winner this year was so boring even the SHOW didn't spend much time with her! Too bad Kahlen is so relatively teensy... she really should have taken the title, gummy mouth or not. Then again, seeing as how the past winners are doing (though I hear Yoanna will start hosting The Look for Less so there's somethig), she's probably better off.
Aaah, I need to really contact you again! Did'ja know that I recently got into an actual college?! Yes, there was one out there that was willing to take me in! :D And I lost touch with you after Fametracker... must come and bug you and read your awesome blog more! ;)
See you!
Fred
(JPieterzoon from Fametracker, orig)