Sunday, May 22, 2005
One of these things is not like the other
The lineup for Ozzfest has been announced. Due to stellar taste in music and a profound distaste for the Osbourne family, thanks to a long period spent researching their stank asses for a paper, I could not possibly care less about the festival itself. Or could I?
The lineup includes:
Even music history challenged I can recognize the first three names on that list. The last, Wicked Wisdom, is a bit confusing. I know that Wicked is a big Broadway show, could the traveling troupe be on this tour?
No, even more hilariously, Wicked Wisdom is a band led by Jada Pinkett Smith. Jada Pinkett Smith! The tiniest transsexual in Hollywood! They opened for Britney Spears on her
So from what I gather from sources who are into this sort of thing, Ozzfest is, like, a big deal and Wicked Wisdom's appearance at said fest is going to go over really, really poorly.
(Aside: God, I love the British press. They are so fantastically bitchy)
I'm not surprised that Sharon Osbourne got one of her many celebrity BFFs to appear on the tour, because Sharon Osbourne would do anything to make friends with the marginally famous if it would extend her fifteen minutes of fame any more. I mean, really, the family has been burgled, Ozzy "accidentally" nearly died in some sort of accident, two children under twenty have gone to rehab, Sharon has had every disease under the sun and they have all been pimped out for television viewers. I have little dignity myself, but that just seems so unseemly to me.
Also unseemly to me is Jada Pinkett Smith. I'm not sure why, exactly, she annoys so much--is it because she's so midgety? More manly than her husband? Because of the bitchface? Because of the lack of talent that she has shown in every one of her film roles, including a horrible turn in the otherwise stellar Collateral? All of the above?
So if this winds up embarrassing both Sharon AND Jada, I will be the happiest girl in the land. I will also be happy if Jada continues to look stupid whilst caught up in the moment onstage.
That is truly, truly rock and roll, people.
Mallory at 5/22/2005 07:14:00 PM