Sunday, May 08, 2005
The Boys and Girls Club
Hollywood continues to experience a baby boom of sorts, what with reports that Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are expecting a little one.
(I really hope that the baby takes after his/her mother. Because Ben Affleck is just ew, with an enormous head and a reportedly hairy back. Not to mention the fact that he's already demonstrated his fondness for eating children. I'm positively neutral on Jenny Garner, having no interest in Alias or pretty much anything she's ever done, but she's usually cute enough, except lately she looks sort of like Michelle from ANTM, but since Ben looks like a homeless caveman freak, it's not as bad as it could be.)
So this baby will join such fine peers as Baby X Spears Federline, Cruz Beckham, Hazel and Phinneaus Moder, Charles Spencer Crowe, Grace Turlington Burns, Nathan Stewart, Neve O'Brien, Harry Letterman and Apple Martin, all of whom were born in the last year and a half or so.
I mean, granted, Apple and Cruz wouldn't be allowed to play with such commoners as the rest of that lot, especially Baby X, whose Momma considers draperies and Uggs the height of maternity fashion, while Gwyneth wore Stella McCartney during her pregnancy. And Brit's already showing, while Vicki gained approximately fourteen ounces, so you just know Britters wouldn't go over so well with them. And given Gwyneth's obvious distaste of Ben Affleck, Apple probably won't have the Garner child over for playdates too often.
None of the children would be allowed to play with Charles Spencer Crowe, what with his obvious anger issues handed down by his angry father. He'd probably punch them if they happened to mess up a nursery rhyme. They'd also be driven crazy by the horsey laugh of Hazel Moder. The girls would be jealous of how pretty young Miss Turlington is and Cruz and Nathan would come to blows over the disastrous Posh Spice Daily Show interview. Neve and Harry would be too cool for school and let us not even think of the horror that would occur if Liz Hurley's ghastly son Damien joined the mix. Only one other child would be able to coexist in the same room as his monstrous head.
Katie Holmes seems to have developed a rash of sorts after stepping out with her new beau. Which, Katie, seriously, days like that are when you stay indoors and let one of Tom's minions fetch you things or at least wear a bag on your head if you do venture outdoors. There is no excuse for that, I'm sorry.
If you'll indulge me a baseball tangent from a minute, I'll be able to explain that odd feeling of the world spinning in reverse earlier this afternoon. You know that moment when you were like, "Ahhh, what's going on?" and the world turned over? It happened because Kevin Brown actually won a baseball game. Shocking, I know.
Also in baseball news, ball stealer Doug Mientkiewicz and proud jhullet owner Pedro Martinez received their World Series rings and managed to annoy me while doing so. It's nice to know that some things will never change.
If you're into this sort of thing, the trailer for The Chronicles of Narnia is up. I was terrified by the PBS version of the movie, though I don't exactly remember why, so I will be sitting this one out.
Similarly terrifying--The Da Vinci Code: The movie. It hurts, it hurts my heart.
Mallory at 5/08/2005 09:33:00 PM
3 Comments
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at 9:51 AM
Rayanne Graff said... You're so mean! I love this photo.
I hope the baby has its mummy's chin, its daddy's hair, and its Uncle Michael's forehead. Pretty!-
at 2:30 PM
said... I hope very much that Neve and Nathan grow up together, laughing at celebrities and then get married and produce Uber-snarker babies. Can you imagine? I'm positively giddy!
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at 11:37 PM
CLC said...
Though I have to admit I always enjoy watching the break-down of the Geritol-dependent members of the Yankees pitching staff (and especially when they are playing my hometown favorites), I have to say I was glad Brown pulled this one out. If Brown hadn't won this one, given Bellamy Road's spectacular failure at the 'Derby, heads surely would have rolled, and though Cashman always has a look in his eye like he is pleading to be put out of his misery, I heard Big George is eyeing Mel Stottlemeyer as the next fall guy.
BTW - what larcenous Mienkiewicz was allowed to get away with is appalling. The ball clearly belongs to MLB, or the Cardinals, or Boston, before it belongs to him. Bet he steals all of the soaps and the bathrobe and the phones out of all the hotels the Mets stay at. Bet they'll garner a nice chunk of change on EBay for his "retirement fund." He is setting himself up for some bad karma - those guys that fought over the 73rd Barry ball ended up making less that $200K each, a sum which was dwarfed by their legal fees incurred in fighting over it.
