Friday, April 01, 2005
What Would Your Idol Do?
Everybody needs an idol. Someone to look up to when the going gets tough, so if you're in a time of crisis or indecision, you can say "What would my idol do?" and then it all makes sense.
I'm in desperate need of an idol. Whenever something goes wrong, I ask, "What would my idol do?" and spend so much time trying to think of who to emulate that the opportunity is lost.
I know that the easy answer is Jesus. "What would Jesus do?" Which is all well and good, if that's your thing, except he's about turning the other cheek and his pacifistic nature is sort of unsatisfying.
I've been giving this a lot of thought and have created pros and cons for some of the celebrities I can see myself looking up do.
What Would Kimora Lee Simmons Do? (WWKLSD?)
Beat a bitch's ass
Pros: Hitting and/or kicking things gets the adrenaline going and gets your point across
Cons: I don't have enough time in my schedule for anger management classes
What Would George Michael Do? (WWGMD?)
Solicit an undercover cop for sex in a bathroom
Pros: It's always handy to make friends-or "friends", as it were-with a cop
Cons: Bathrooms are so unsanitary
What Would Kylie Minogue Do? (WWKMD?)
Put on her hot pants and groove in the streets
Pros: Dancing is always fun, and "At First Sight" is a catchy tune
Cons: It's not warm enough to pull out the hot pants just yet
What Would Lenny Briscoe Do? (WWLBD?)
Drink coffee and make wisecracks
Pros: I'm a well documented caffeine addict. Wisecracks are always fun, especially if it goes over the head of the person whose expense they're at. (Was that sentence English?)
Cons: I'm not as quick with a quip as Detective Briscoe, nor do I have one of his nice coats to get me in charcter
What Would Tom Cruise Do? (WWTCD?)
Have an energy bar and consult a portrait of L. Ron Hubbard
Pros: Well, Scientology works for Tom and he's one of the highest paid and most famous actors in the world...
Cons: L. Ron Hubbard is fucking scary. And the energy bar would probably be laced with thetans
What Would Luke Perry Do? (WWLPD?)
I'm not sure.
Pros: Luke Perry isn't doing anything, so he'd be free to meet and discuss this with him in person
Cons: I don't want to be known as the girl who gets advice from Luke Perry
What Would Janice Dickinson Do? (WWJDD?)
Smoke a pack of cigarettes and get Botox; possibly insult an aspiring model
Pros: Well if it works for Janice, it can work for anybody. Plus, the Botox will contort my face to scary proportions and no one will be willing to mess with me
Cons: I can't afford daily Botox treatments
What Would Jenna And Barbara Bush Do? (WWJ&BBD?)
Drink heavily and kick a Secret Service Agent
Pros: Violence and alcohol are fun on their own. Combined? Priceless
Cons: I don't actually know any Secret Service Agents
What Would P. Diddy Do? (WWPDD?)
Buy something diamond encrusted and send folks on a mission to get him Cambodian breast milk
Pros: Diamonds are pretty and there's nothing better than making wannabe singers walk through the five boroughs
Cons: I don't really have a taste for Cambodian breast milk
As you can see, my soul searching has not given me any answers. I shall keep you informed as my quest progresses.
In other news, I saw Sin City today and I'm not quite sure what to think of it. It was kind of great and the cinematography was just awesome. On the other hand, it sort of made my head spin and I am now petrified of Elijah Wood.
The character of Dwight has also forced me to reconsider my "U-G-L-Y, He ain't got no alibi" stance on Clive Owen. This is a very strange feeling and I don't quite like it.
I'm also somewhat amused by the fact that Mickey Rourke in full costume as Marv is far, far less horrifying a sight than Mickey Rouke regularly is.
Mallory at 4/01/2005 07:56:00 PM
4 Comments
-
at 12:21 AM
said... I vote for Janice!
-
at 1:10 PM
Mallory said... What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!
(I'm also really picky about milk and can only drink skim)
Thank you for slapping some sense into me about Clive. I think I was just caught up in the moment and am totally over it today.-
at 3:41 PM
said...
Whatevah, hatah! Clive pretty! But not in that poster. There he looks fug. However, I say he pretty.
I'm both sad and happy that you didn't include Britney in that list.
WWBD?
Eat a bag of cheetos and post some nonsense in her blog about how we all jus' jellus!-
at 3:10 PM
said...
WWCD?
http://www.stopstickers.com/images/wwcd_cruise_big.jpg
WWCD?