Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Everything's Coming Up Roses!!!
OH MY GOD, Y'ALL, BRITNEY AND KEVIN ARE GETTING THEIR OWN REALITY SHOW!
Sorry, but if you don't think that's the greatest thing ever, there's a strong possibility that you're dead inside.
Just think about it. The girl who was, at one point in time, the biggest popstar in the world. The guy who stole her heart with a single ebonics laced sentence. The wedding that featured chicken fingers and a boombox playing Phil Collins. The going into public restrooms barefoot. The stepchildren and angry ex-girlfriend. The lack of hygiene. The lack of articulation.
OH MY GOD I CANNOT WAIT.
My excitement rivals the day I learned Posh and Becks were going to have a baby. I'm a bit confused that it's on UPN, because while UPN is home to my true reality TV love, I'd expect MTV to shell out the big bucks to score Britney's show, since they gave a show to Ashlee Simpson and are responsible for launching Jesse Camp on an unsuspecting world,and they owe us, so you think they'd try even harder to make their lineup amazing. But, alas, they're only scoring the reruns. How budget, MTV.
But seriously, this is going to be great, I imagine a lot of Britney's "Haw haw" laughter and message t-shirts and Kevin in his low rise cargo shorts/wifebeater combos saying, "Bring me another Coors beyotch" and a lot of Shakespearean soliloquies of the grammatically incorrect variety.
Sometimes, I love the world.
I also love when celebrities act deliciously bitchy and engage in acts of violence against the little people, because nothing to me is funnier than a bad temper and a beatdown.
It should come as no surprise, then, that the Desperate Housewives brouhaha had me so excited that I was nearly hospitalized. It just amuses me so greatly that these adult women are acting like petulant little brats who are all trying to score that dress for the Spring Fling. I swear, I saw an afterschool special about this, except with less Botox.
You really have to pity Teri Hatcher. I mean, sure, she's the award winning member of the cast and gets all the accolades, but it wasn't too long ago that she was doing Radio Shack ads and, I'm sorry, there is lingering trauma there, you think people would be more sensitive about it. But instead, the rest of the cast hates her and actively conspires against her and Nicolette Sheridan even seems to have a deal with Star that they have to badmouth Teri every time she's mentioned. As if having to see Nicolette Sheridan up close wasn't scary enough. Poor thing.
You also have to pity Marcia Cross's publicist for being humiliated in front of people, but at the same time, this is Kimberly we're talking about, people, you have to know she's a little off-kilter in real life.
The final cover shoot shows that...well, Teri Hatcher's bathing suit wasn't really worth the catfight, was it?
Note to Marcia Cross--pick your battles wisely, okay? Don't use your powers of bitchcraft on a bathing suit that was obviously purchased at Contempo.
I've been watching a lot of MSNBC lately because, as I've mentioned, I do so love Dan Abrams. He's smart and he's sarcastic and he's willing to say to his guests, "Come on, you don't expect anybody to believe that, do you?" and it's wonderful, a real sight to behold.
The downside of watching a lot of MSNBC is prolonged exposure to Chris Matthews, who randomly appears all the time and screams loudly. They had him interview a childhood friend of the Pope and the poor old man looked so scared and uncomfortable to have Chris shouting at him like that.
This did have a point at one time, but damn if I remember what it was...oh, yes, it was very moving to see Dan Abrams wish Peter Jennings well in his treatment for lung cancer as Dan himself is a cancer survivor.
That wasn't my point at all, but I think I covered my lack of focus well.
Lastly, I had an argument with somebody today about George Michael, which is odd, considering that it's the year 2005. This person contends that George Michael isn't worthy of worship and I'm basically like "...". The man brought us Wham!, "Faith" and "Freedom 90". There should be statues of him on every street corner. I was also called "odd" for preferring his version of "I Can't Make You Love Me" to Bonnie Rait's. Whatevah! Whatevah! I do what I want!
Mallory at 4/05/2005 09:28:00 PM
4 Comments
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at 11:31 PM
said... George Michael? You need *serious* help.....
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at 12:16 AM
said...
I had no idea GM had a version of "I Can't Make You Love Me". I must check this out, for the man's music is a guilty pleasure of mine. (Also? I once sang "Faith" as a singing telegram to my choir director. Don't ask.)
Posh and Becks need their own reality show right after Brit and K-Fed. Then I'd never leave my house (except to get a case of PBR, as cheap beer is the best way to enjoy the Federlines...or monster truck racing).
Man, now Peter Jennings! It's like the Agatha Christie news anchor domino effect! Okay, so the other two quit. Whatever.-
at 12:41 AM
Mallory said... Sorry, Maureen, but I don't acknowledge haters...
Dean, you're right, MSNBC is starting to be a pretty good network. Keith Olbermann is also great. The Abrams Report is on at 6 and then again at 9 usually. They're both fantastic.
Laura, if Vicki and Becks had a reality show, my heart might actually stop beating from the excitement of it all. The greatness would kill me.-
at 7:06 AM
said...
But...it just looks wrong when Teri isn't in the middle. I don't know why, but it just does.
Catherine