Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Little Miss Know-It-All

This morning, I was watching The Nanny in between classes, as you do in the year 2005, and it was the episode--I love how I'm describing this and one of you, at most, will know what I'm talking about--where C.C.'s brother tries to get Fran on Jeopardy and it turns out that she has a freakishly good memory when it comes to remembering random things, including TV Guide listings.

And then I had to go to class, but the point is that I totally have that kind of memory. Some past conversations that I've had:

Mom and Dad: I wonder what's on TV tonight. Is it a new episode of Seinfeld?
Mallory: Yes, it's the one where (says the entire TV Guide Listing)
Mom and Dad: ...

Friend's father, on a long car ride in sixth grade: Let's play a trivia game. I'll give you $10 if you can tell me who the dead man in The Big Chill?
Mallory: Oooh! Kevin Costner!
Friend's father: Damn, I forgot you were in the car.

Seminar Professor: This is sort of like that show from the 80s. You know, the reaaaaaally bad show about the private eye? I can't remember what it's called.
Mallory: The Equalizer

Let us not even speak of the span of time where I would recite all of the presidents, first ladies and senators on a whim. They were dark times, my friend.

This is an incredibly useful skill, if I were going to be a professional Trivial Pursuit player or something. But other than that, the random, ridiculous ephemera of pop culture floating around in my mind serves no purpose. All it gets me is weird looks and it takes up valuable space that could be best used for something important.

Really. I can barely add, but I can tell you all about Bijou Phillips's family history.

I'm not sure what, if anything, this has to do with anything, but I felt the need to share. If you ever find yourself in desperate need of sports/pop culture trivia, I'm the girl to ask. If you need to borrow money, you can ask too, because there's a good chance that I'd count incorrectly and give you more than you asked for.

***


I'm procrastinating rather amazingly tonight, as my assignment for tomorrow is to rework a scene from Hamlet into the modern vernacular and perform it in the coming weeks. It's not that it's hard, really, it's just that...I don't want to. My lovely and talented group member Shannon and I have zero motivation, which is, you know, not good. I've been staring at an empty Word document for, like, ever, and I'm sure you all know that it's the worst feeling ever.
***

  • Whitney Houston is back in rehab. Oh, Whitney. Crack is wack, yo!
  • 50 Cent is number one for the third week in a row. I just...I...I don't get it. I really don't. The man looks like a rat on steroids and has no flow to speak of. Is grunting and mumbling really what we want in a rapper these days? Yet again, the American public disappoints me.
  • An American idiot disappoints American Idol viewers this week, when incorrect phone numbers leads to the show's first revote. I don't watch AI anymore, so I'm not personally peeved about it, but anything that puts Ryan Seacrest on television for another day is something that we should all, as a people, be upset about.
  • Not so upsetting (get me and my segues!) is the fact that it's America's Next Top Model day! Michelle's secret last week turned out to be lame, though Rebecca more than made up for it by fainting. And this week promises the return of BeerWeave! Woo!
  • Rumors continue to fly that Nick and Jessica are divorcing fo' real and I continue not to care. I hope it's not true, if only because I don't want to read the endless US Weekly stories on "Courageous Jessica Braves Her First Thursday Alone!" and the like

    Mallory at 3/23/2005 06:56:00 PM

    3comments

    3 Comments

    at 3:16 PM Blogger Mallory said...

    You leave me and my obsolete vernacular alone! We're very happy together, thank you.

    I think The Equalizer came up when we were discussing how the concept of Watchmen could have gone very, very wrong.

     
    at 5:52 AM Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I'm a little late with this, but you and I? Should totally team up and take the professional Trivial Pursuit circuit by storm. You need useless trivia about pop culture? I'm your girl.

    Today, a copy editor came up to my desk at work and said: "You know that creepy looking guy?" And I thought for a minute and said "Nick Chinlund?" And he was like: "Yes! Thank you!" and walked away. The scary thing is: I have only been here for a month and a little bit. People already know me as useless trivia girl.

     
    at 5:54 AM Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I'm a little late with this, but you and I? Should totally team up and take the professional Trivial Pursuit circuit by storm. You need useless trivia about pop culture? I'm your girl.

    Today, a copy editor came up to my desk at work and said: "You know that creepy looking guy?" And I thought for a minute and said "Nick Chinlund?" And he was like: "Yes! Thank you!" and walked away. The scary thing is: I have only been here for a month and a little bit. People already know me as useless trivia girl.

     

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