Monday, February 07, 2005
Things That Make You Go Hmmm...
I'm beginning to feel that an apocalypse of sorts is fast approaching because things in the world of celebrity have been amazingly off-kilter and not even in the fab, bizarre sort of way, but, rather, a creepy, scary sort of way.
Consider:
As Popdirt reports, Katherine Jackson alleges that her son is not getting a fair trial because the DA's son is a white supremacist. Now, I ask you...do they get much whiter than Michael Jackson? The man (and I use that term awfully loosely) is practically translucent. Of all the biases that may be working against him (you know, those biases against people who are creepy and law-breaking), race isn't one of them, Mrs. Jackson.
Jojo was at the Heatherette show at Fashion Week. Um, what? Isn't she like six? Shouldn't she be in bed? Why do we continue to reward her for her lamer than lame song "Leave (Get Out)"? Don't people realize that the sooner we ignore her, the sooner she will go away? Why is she at fashion week and I'm not? So many questions.
Bennifer's diamond ring is for sale. Unless one is a celebrity connoisseur of sorts with too much money on their hands (and really, I'd be happy to help you with that), I don't see why anybody would buy it because, for starters, it's tainted by the ick of the Ben Affleck/Jennifer Lopez pairing. And also, if we're being honest, it is what the kids today call "mad ugly". I've seen nicer rings at Claire's. CLAIRE'S! The store is famous for little other than being the hot place for teen girls to shoplift and even their rhinestone rings are better looking than that tacky bauble.
Jordan Knight, Jeff Timmons and Aaron Carter performed at the same concert Surprisingly, the world didn't explode from the force of these has-beens occupying the same space. What? You don't know who they are? Jordan was the guy from New Kids on the Block. No, not the cute young one, that was Joey. No, not the rough tough guy, that was Donnie. No, not the guy that looked like a monkey, that was Jonathan. Yeah, the other guy! Jeff? He's from 98 Degrees. Nope, not the one married to Jessica Simpson. No, not that guy's brother. No, not the overweight troll. Yeah, the other guy who looks like a chipmunk! Aaron Carter? No, it's the guy from Backstreet Boys brother. Who makes out with his sister! Yeah! Now do you understand why I'm so afraid?
Lil' Kim's plastic surgeon made her look like Webster. WEBSTER. That is a good look for nobody except little orphans on 1980s tv shows. I should be happy that she's fully clothed but my GOD, she's taking STYLE CUES from EMMANUEL LEWIS.
I think it's the end of the world as we know it.
Somebody hold me, I'm scared.*
*The line starts right after him**
**What, you thought I could make it through an entry without mentioning him? You all don't know me that well at all.***
***I really am scared, though.
Mallory at 2/07/2005 09:41:00 PM
2 Comments
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at 1:29 AM
Mallory said... I know, right? I'm concerned about what the Jacksons will do if it all catches up with them. I predict mass riots and bloodshed. Or even worse, a reunion tour featuring LaToya.
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at 3:21 PM
Rayanne Graff said...
I'd buy the Bennifer ring and give it to you; and make you reprise your performance of your excellent poem about said ring and couple, whilst waving your pink diamond-adorned finger around. I expect you'd then be asked to teach the class.