Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Scientology is a hell of a drug
I've become resigned to the fact that either I am in love with Tom Cruise or Tom Cruise is ruling my world through brain waves or something, because the past two days? All about the Cruise.
As I've mentioned elsewhere, I had a dream on Sunday night that I could have had sex with Gael Garcia Bernal but I turned it down because I was married--to Tom Cruise.
(And, like, dream me? What the hell? You need to straighten out your priorities)
(This is even worse than the other dream I had where I was comparing myself to Nick Carraway, because that dream me was just a nerd; this dream me was insane and also possibly blind)
(And also, what's with my short man fetish?)
So then, in the time since I woke up from that dream scratching my head in puzzlement:
I am at a loss and totally, totally terrified.
I'm also totally, totally enthralled by the entire Paris Hilton hacking scandal. It's like my birthday came early or something--this and a baby Beckham all in the span of two days? That's, like, the best ever!
Paris's emails posted here are a thing of brilliance (I'm sure you already assumed that, as it's something Paris related, the link isn't safe for work). Guy O (Oseary?) telling Paris not to email people when she's stoned? Fred Durst proving how emo he is? Lindsay Lohan gossiping about how Jessica Simpson does coke?
EEEE!!!
The only way it could get better is if it turned out that Paris leaked this all herself and it wasn't a hack after all. I think my heart would stop from the sheer awesomeness. As it is, I'm going insane and my giggling must be driving my neighbors crazy.
To quote Paris herself, this is totally hott.
Maybe it's true, what they say, about Diet Soda rotting your brain--is that what's caused my Tom Cruise fixation? And is that why I laughed out loud when the guy from Anthrax said on one of those awesomely bad VH1 shows that the guys from Color Me Badd look like Kenny G, George Michael, Johnny Damon, and Brandy? And is that why I didn't know that mules are a crossbreed of a donkey and a horse?
I don't know what inspired that train of thought (aside from another can of Diet Coke and a ton of peanut M&Ms. Nice combination, yeah). Sorry.
I was watching a rerun of Without a Trace on TNT last night and I plan to write more about the show soon because I lurve it, but for now I will just ask--WHY CAN'T THEY GIVE DANNY MORE SCREENTIME AND A GIRLFRIEND AND REQUIRE HIM TO BE SHIRTLESS?
Ahem.
It's just that Enrique Murciano is, as the Boston kids say, wicked cute, and I'm not hating on Eric Close or anything, but when you get right down to it, shouldn't Danny be the one with the hot storyline and not Martin? I mean, really.
I may need to bring this to the attention of the show's producers and CBS and perhaps start a picket line if need be.
Mallory at 2/22/2005 08:46:00 PM
