Monday, February 14, 2005

Grammylicious

Let me start out gracefully by saying

OHMIGOD KANYE WAS ROBBED!

First by Maroon 5 and then a dead man's mediocre album? That's cold. Rest assured, Kanye, I still love you!!!!!!

Ahem.

So tonight was the Grammys and I had this ambitious idea of doing that whole "live-blogging" thing, but I had forgotten my lack of attention span. Luckily! I took meticulous notes and had the help of my very funny friends in compiling a recap of the 2005 Grammys. Let's look back, shall we?

Grammy High Points


  • Kanye and the Blind Boys of Alabama. It was just, in a word, awesome.
  • Melissa Etheridge, going bald in the wake of her chemotherapy treatment, singing "Piece of My Heart" with Joss Stone, who I am sad to say I had severely underestimated. My bad, Joss.
  • Jennifer Lopez performing with Marc Anthony. Not because it was good or anything, but because it was hilarious
    Janelle: this is going to suck like a 12th street hooker
    Jeff:I wonder if their real bedroom has deep plush shag like that. This is like a bad soap opera on Univision! When will the priest bust in and shoot him?
  • Queen Latifah being generally cool--and gorgeous

    Grammy Low Points

  • The opening medley. Maroon 5 and The Black Eyed Peas performing together? Ouch.
  • Adam Sandler's outfit
    Janelle: Adam looks like he woke up in a ditch. When Nelly outclasses you, its a sad sad day
  • The All-Star Deep South anthem/tribute/whatever
    Danisse: Keith Urban is from Australia. I guess thats the deep south
    Jeff: Take that Neil Young! He writes one song and gets dissed for decades.
  • Maroon 5 winning Best New Artist over the aforementioned Mr. West. The only upside to this that I can see is that this is the Grammy kiss of death, meaning that they will be over soon. Right? Right?
    Tanis: Is Kanye sitting there all "Oh, you gone' get it bitch!" They walk off stage and somebody greets them with a machete.
  • Nelly, Hoobastank and others being nominated for anything.
    Janelle: How can they nominate Suit and completely ignore the magnum opus Sweat?
  • Jack White is creepy. Cree-pee
    Jeff: Kanye's mega-ego is lauded while Jack's self-effacing creepiness is ridiculed. This world has left me behind.
    Tanis: You wish it were self effacing. It's just creepy.
  • The All Star "Across The Universe" performance. Not to put too fine a point on it but...what the fuck?

    Janelle: Brian Wilson hates them all
    Kayte: Norah Jones looks like a deer in headlights
    Me: Why the fuck does Steven Tyler have maracas?

    (Nobody had the answer, so I'll ask you--why the fuck did Steven Tyler have maracas?)

    Tanis: Tsunami victims are sitting at home going "Shit. That's fucked up."
    Jeff: "The people of Indonesia this Monday issued an official apology to the world for the travesty that was 'Across the Universe' last night at the Grammys."
    Jess: The Black Eyed Peas are angry they weren't invited to get retarded for the tsunami victims
    Jeff: Los Lonely Boys love tsunami victims!
    Tanis: "We were fully looking forward to getting retarded."
  • The continuing existence of Usher. Just in general.
  • Ray Charles winning Album of the Year for what was, by all accounts, a mediocre effort.
    ***

    All in all, sort of a boring, predictable awards show.

    Mallory at 2/14/2005 12:34:00 PM

    2comments

    2 Comments

    at 3:43 PM Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I'm not sure who this "Jeff" guy is, but boy do his comments make me laugh, make me think, and make me feel more a part of this world in which we live.

    -Joey Jojo Shabadu Jr.

    P.S. Brilliant distillation of "the greatest Grammys ever"

     
    at 11:32 PM Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I was really worried that you were going to cry when Kanye lost album of the year. You did cry, didn't you?

    Your friends are all very funny and no, I do not know why Steven Tyler had maracas. I don't think he was even shaking them.

     

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