Friday, January 07, 2005
Who, Who, Who's Got A Crush On You?
So by now I'm sure we've all heard the news that Jude Law is marrying Sienna Miller.
You might remember that I have a terrible crush on Jude Law that dates way back to his Broadway appearance in Indiscretions back in the day. You might wonder how I reacted to the news and I say-just fine. I actually rather like Sienna and I think they're a cute couple. You might also wonder why I'm proud of this, as it's normal behavior for a functioning adult, but that's besides the point.
This has, naturally, given me a reason to look back at my celebrity crushes. I pride myself on having good taste and, for most of the celebrities I have fallen in love with in that peculiar way only young girls can are rather indicative of my good taste. I mean, I was never one to like the boy banders and I was the only girl who didn't have pictures of Devon Sawa and JTT in her locker. If that's not good taste, I don't know what is. Others...okay, whatever, let's remember that I was a kid for some of these, all right?
Who: Bruce Springsteen
Why: My mother loves Bruce Springsteen and, along with most of America in the mid 80s, listened to him nonstop. Being a little kid in a house where Bruce was played constantly sort of sets one up for falling in love with him. Or as in love with someone as a four year old can be.
What I Did: When my parents listened to anything other than Bruce, I had tantrums. I was also fond of setting up his albums on my dresser.
Why It Ended: Sadly, a relative saw it fit to inform me that Mr. Springsteen was far older than both of my parents and had been married.
Let me preface this by saying: I WAS IN KINDERGARTEN, OKAY?
Ahem.
Who: John Stamos. Uncle Jesse. I know, okay, it was pathetic. BUT I WAS FIVE.
Why: God only knows. But he was so nice on Full House and he was a singer, too! Multi-talented! And he knew the Beach Boys!
What I Did: Repeated viewings of Full House, naturally. And having severe tantrums when Full House wasn't on. (Fun fact: I once nearly had a nervous breakdown visiting my grandparents in Boston because they didn't know what channel Full House was on). Um, repeated viewings of the video for "Kokomo", where he played the drums. Also, stealing an issue of the TV Guide that he was on the cover of and keeping it in my room.
Why It Ended: Thankfully, I realized that the combination of a mullet and an emasculated character who lived in a room covered with pink bunnies was just wrong.
Who: Tim Daly.
Why: Because I watched a lot of episodes of Wings when I had the chicken pox.
What I Did: It was a brief crush, but I do remember playing games with my friends in which we were, I believe, politicians and I used Daly as my last name.
Why It Ended: Because it's Tim Daly! He's boring! He couldn't hold my attention for that long, come on.
Who: Gregory Peck.
Why: Because he was terribly handsome and the star of two of my very favorite movies ever-Roman Holiday and To Kill A Mockingbird.
What I Did: Declaring, in all seriousness, that my first son will be named Gregory (this has not yet changed). Contemplating naming a pet (which I did not have) Atticus.
Why It Ended: Crushes on Gregory Peck never really end, but my obsession waned when I realized that he was way, way older than I.
Who: James Caan.
Why: Because I really liked the character of Sonny in The Godfather.
What I Did: Cried each time when Sonny died in The Godfather.
Why It Ended: Because it wasn't a very good crush to begin with. And also, because I learned that he was starring in Misery and was decidedly icky. Not that he had ever been handsome, but whatever!
Who: Christian Bale.
Why: Because he was just amazingly lovely in Little Women.
What I Did: Cooed "Christian Bale is so cuuute!" quite often. Despised Winona Ryder, because she played Jo and turned him down and made him marry stupid Amy. Tried to figure out how to move to Europe and ask him to marry me, despite my being 10 years old.
Why It Ended: I spent money far too much and had problems saving enough to pay for my fare to Europe since my parents cruelly refused to lend me money to go marry the man who played Laurie.
Who: Tom Cruise.
Why: Because Tom Cruise in the late 80s and early 90s was HOT, okay? Don't try to deny it.
What I Did: Through repeated viewings of Tom Cruise movies. This includes paying to see Mission Impossible multiple times in the theater. I'm sorry, that's why the movie was such a success. I even rented Far and Away numerous times. Far and Away, you guys. I began to profoundly dislike Nicole Kidman. I also spent loads of time looking through magazines for pictures, which I then taped to the back of my door.
Why It Ended: I learned about the whole Scientology thing and was creeped out. But even more important, I learned that I was already taller than him when I was in seventh grade and I am nothing if not picky when it comes to height, even when-nay, especially when dealing with imaginary boyfriends.
Who: Derek Jeter.
Why: It was his rookie year. He was an awesome player and terribly cute.
What I Did: If I could take you back to my bedroom in 1996, you'd see that the photos of Tom Cruise that I had taped to my door had been replaced by magazine clippings and newspaper pictures of Derek Jeter (which I still have, in a manilla envelope somewhere in my closet). I also had a number of posters, plaques, jerseys and Beanie Baby bears. Trips to Yankee Stadium were made. One night, on vacation to Seaside Heights with my best friend, I spent a sickening amount of my money playing a game on the boardwalk trying to win a picture of him. The boy working the counter took pity on me and eventually gave it to me so that I could go on with my life.
Why It Ended: Two words-Mariah Carey. Okay, and two more-bad hair. Wait, and another two-Cosby sweaters. Honestly, his sister (um, Sharlee) never felt it necessary to perform a fashion intervention? Cosby sweaters in 2004! I ask you!
(I should probably admit that the crush isn't totally over. But that's besides the point)
Who: Ewan McGregor.
Why: Because he's cute. And he has a great accent.
What I Did: I went to see The Phantom Menace. In the theater. And I HATE movies like that. I had never seen a Star Wars film before that and yet, there I was. I also convinced myself that it wasn't a bad movie.
Why It Ended: I read all sorts of articles about what a devoted family man he is, and I realized I couldn't break up a marriage.
After that, my celebrity crushes have remained constant--Mos Def, Tom Brady and Jon Stewart. Which is, um, good, I suppose. Right?
So that's that, an embarrassing history of the celebrities who have captivated me. And please, y'all, don't make fun of me because I know some of you--and I won't name names at this point in time--lurved Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Mark Paul Gosselaer, Justin Timberlake and the guys in Color Me Badd. Yeah, that's right, I said it. Don't make me do an expose.
Mallory at 1/07/2005 12:22:00 PM
2 Comments
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at 7:34 PM
Mallory said... Aww, Winona is a good one, I got over my hatred of her eventually.
re: Stamos--yes, I resisted growing a femullet, so I ought to earn bonus points for that and I feel that you're spot on with your Rebecca Romijn theory.
re: Tim Daly--yeah, remember that terrible show "Wings"? He was on that. I don't know, I blame the entire thing on having chicken pox. As far as politician games go...er, I have no excuse. Fourth grade is just a hard time, you know? Dark days indeed.
re: James Caan--I know! I gasped when I saw him in Elf because that shouldn't be what Sonny grew into!
re: Jeter--hmph!-
at 10:47 AM
Mallory said...
Of course you can steal it! I look forward to reading about your embarrassing crushes:)