Saturday, December 18, 2004
"What happens when people stop being polite and start being real!"
While celebrating the end of the semester last night--if by "celebrating", you mean "sitting in bad in sort of a school related coma, too burnt out to even think of drinking alcohol and you know things are bad when you reach that point--I had on MTV and was watching The Real World/Road Rules challenge.
Let me take a moment to praise the good lord that brought us Mary-Ellis Bunim and Jonathan Murray.
Okay.
I'm not too fond of Road Rules for whatever reason, but I do declare that The Real World is one of the most perfect television shows ever created. From New York to Los Angeles to San Francisco to Miami to Boston to Seattle to Hawaii to New Orleans to New York again to Chicago to Las Vegas to Paris to San Diego and Philadelphia, this show has been absurdly brilliant.
(Please note: I left London off of the list because the London season sucked. Don't try to change my mind, you know it did)
The seasons differ in quality, but even the more boring seasons have their high points, right? Let's take a look.
New York: The season that started it all. With Eric Nies. Who still thinks he's 22. This was probably the best depiction of the "real" world where people had mature discussions about race and dating.
Los Angeles: I will say no more than "It wasn't not funny". Except also "I'm a slave, I'm a slave, I'm a slave to your lovin'! I can't forgot the feeling of your kissin' and your huggin'!" Oh, Tami. So fun to love/hate.
San Francisco: Puck. Pedro. Judd. Fights over peanut butter. Rachel the Republican. Good times.
London: ....
Miami: Okay, the Miami season is the best season ever, solely for the threesome episode. A threesome! And then Flora and her huge ass and boobs tried to get in the window to spy and then it broke. Then there was Dan and Melissa's fight. "Was it yours, you stupid bitch?!" Ahhh, so awesome. So, so awesome.
Boston: Montana was a b-i-t-c-h, but her getting fired for giving alcohol to a kid was hilarious. And then, the best moment ever-her conversation with her boyfriend Vaj. When he called her a "Whooooooore! Whore! Whore!" I'm giggling just thinking about it. And then Jason, the sensitive artiste, had a girlfriend named Timber. Timber and Vaj, who named these people? Then there was Genesis, the trashy lesbian, and Elka the virgin. And Stupid Sean who married Rachel the Republican from San Fran. See how interrelated they are?!
Seattle: Stephen slapped Irene. One of the weirdest and most memorable episodes in reality tv. And then there was David and his girlfriend drama. "This is more real than anything you fucking have!" Okay, David, if you say so. Janet from this season strongly reminded me of Tiffany from the fashion club on Daria
Hawaii: Amaya was a loon, Matt was a prick, Kaia was...um. The season became famous for Ruthie's alcoholism and the numerous interventions it took for her to get sober.
New Orleans: All I'm going to say is, ""Matt's in there praying to die, while David's servicing the hos." (They cut to a shot of this) "Jamie's passed out in Danny's bed. Kelley comes home with Peter, and they go to bed in their room." (Cut to a shot of this) "So next, I get a, 'Psst! Yo, Melissa!' 'What?' I'm thinking I'm seeing Jesus and my days are through. It's just long-haired Julie. 'What do you want?'"
"Next face. 'Psst! Yo, Melissa!' 'What? What?' It's Danny. He doesn't know where to sleep. He's trying to jump in Kelley's bed, and there's already a man up in there. Try to get in his bed, butt-naked with Jamie, that's not gonna work." (Camera shows this) "Try to go up in Matt's room. Matt's still over there praying." (Shot of Matt with his pillow over his head) "David's still servicing some hos." (Shot of this)"So, he jumps in my bed. Doesn't know Julie's in the bed! So, let me tell you what the sex life is like. Melissa is in bed with a Mormon on the left, a naked gay guy on the right. What am I supposed to do with that?"
Back To New York: Zzz. It brought us Coral, who I love, but it also brought us "The Miz" (eyeroll) and Nicole, who looked like a bad drag queen.
Chicago: Kyle and Keri hooked up but not for real because he had a girlfriend and thought that acting like an ass on film would hurt his political career. Okay? Then there was Aneesa and her girlfriend who looked like Eminem. And Tonya had kidney problems and was from Walla Walla. That's fun to say. Walla Walla.
Las Vegas: This season gave my tv herpes.
Paris: Zzzzz. Notable for the fact that one of the roommates has the same name as me, it did little to entertain other than bring us Adam and his psychosis and Leah and her...whatever it was.
San Diego: Awesome. You had two (!!) very special episodes-Robin using a racial slur and Frankie--who will have you know that she's too punk rock for the show--and her cutting. Then you had Randy, one of the best real worlders ever. So quotable!
Philadelphia: Okay, so this season is boring. Like, way boring. Not even Landon's drunken stupidity and Karamo's Dr. Phil psychobabble can make it work.
But whatever. Overall? Best show ever.
And why is it not out on DVD?! Why, MTV, why do you hurt me this way?
Mallory at 12/18/2004 02:30:00 PM