Monday, December 13, 2004
Thank You, Thank You!
I'd like to give a special shoutout to the fab Alexa over at A New York Escorts Confessions for featuring me on her latest Carnival of Sin. I could namedrop Sally Field right about now, but I'm too cool for that.*
Really, though, go check her site out, she's excellent and her writing is a great way to pass time while avoiding your finals and presentations. If you're one of those slacker types. Not that I'm a slacker. Um. Yes.
Today, Courtney and I were discussing the horror of our presentations that we need to give this week and, in a true testimony to my madness, I theorized that I could describe wars using Britney Spears songs. No, really. Really.
World War I = "You Drive Me Crazy (Stop Remix)" (shell shock)
World War II = "Oops I Did It Again" (obv.)
The Cold War = "Me Against The Music" (er, what with McCarthyism and all)
Vietnam = "Overprotected" (POW Camps)
The Gulf War = "Toxic" (Drugs)
The Cola Wars = "Pepsi (Joy of Cola)"
I've a feeling that, were I to do this, my professor would either tell me that I was a bloody idiot** and pray that God have mercy on my soul or call the police/sanitarium to have me taken away, or both. So I don't think I'm going to do it, though I do give myself credit for the absolutely genius idea.
There's something very inspirational about Britney Spears, yes? Perhaps it's the fact that she's a published author and New York Times Bestseller, not to mention the owner of multiple Harvard sweatshirts. Maybe her genius is easily transmitted to others?***
Whatever it is, my love of Britney is both embarrassing and sincere. I do adore her unique blend of Pro-tooled vocals and pop beats, best displayed in such classics as "Slave 4 U", "Toxic" and "Stronger". And, for a time, she was just so adorable, if slightly cloying with her whole "I'm a dork, y'all!" And I hardly felt ashamed to like her. But 2003-2004 was the beginning of a Britney meltdown that included more than I have time and energy to mention, plus we've all read Us Weekly, we know, and also highlighted the fact that Britney's taste in boys...just sucks.
I didn't think that one could go lower than Justin Timberlake. His only saving grace is "Cry Me A River" which, it pains me to say, is a rather awesome song. However. He is a wimp with bad hair and a crackho girlfriend. Yeah, I said it.
But, really, Britney's taste in guys decreases every month. Consider:
Le sigh. Britney, why hast thou forsaken me (and basic hygiene)? Hmm? It is for this reason that I will not buy your Greatest Hits album!****
*--I'm really not too cool to namedrop Sally Field, I've done it on numerous occasions
**--I'm not British, I am just overly fond of British slang
***--I decided that an STD joke was far too easy, so you can make one up for yourself
***--I'm totally going to buy her greatest hits album.
Mallory at 12/13/2004 02:07:00 AM
2 Comments
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at 8:22 AM
Rayanne Graff said... **--I'm not British, I am just overly fond of British slang
And you use it well! It is top. Rather. Uh-oh, I say, I think he's gone for a Burton. Etc.
For extra cool points, use the word "berk" as often as is humanly possible.-
at 2:43 AM
Mallory said...
I'll try to use berk often in conversation, you'll have to teach me all sorts of British slang so that I can impress people with how pretentious I am. It'll be most excellent! And I, in turn, can teach you how to speak like a yippy teenage girl. It's a fair trade!