Wednesday, December 01, 2004

I Heart Apostrophes

Today was highly disturbing on several levels.

  • My Brit Lit professor lectured us on the proper way to use grammar and punctuation, as if we weren't seniors in college and acclimated to the ins and outs of the MLA Style Guide. And then she went on this tangent about how, one day, the apostrophe will become obsolete.

    I'm not exactly sure why this news bothered me so much, though I'm guessing it may have had something to do with the twenty minutes of sleep I got last night or the massive amount of caffeine I consumed in an effort to make up for that. I know I'm odd, but I never thought of myself as being personally attached to the apostrophe.

    At any rate, I was profoundly upset by this and spent the rest of class envisioning sentences written without apostrophes (Todays the day that Im going to see my sisters friend. Gah!) and tuning out the rest of the lecture. Which, naturally, means that I'll make some sort of mistake and she'll crucify me for it.

    But really...do we want to live in a world without apostrophes? I'm not sure I do. Apostrophes don't get much love, I realize, but they're a necessary and vital part of life. Or perhaps I'm just odd. At any rate-Save the Apostrophe, y'all.

  • I saw a girl with a Louis Vuitton Murakami bag. This, of course, is nothing surprising as approximately 2 of every 5 girls on my campus carry one around. However, this one was...special.

    I am not one to judge. No, okay, that's a lie, I am. But if you can score a good knockoff on Canal Street, more power to you. But this bag? Not a good knockoff. The LV logo was upside down. And she was just walking around with it. A bag with an upside down logo! She also had a Louis Vuitton do-rag on, the hideosity of which I will not elaborate on further, because the memory will surely cause me to go blind.

  • I went to the library to do research for one of the billion assignments I have due and, while taking notes on some rigmarole by Harold Bloom, the guy sitting at the table next to me decided that it was time for him to change his ringtone on his cell phone. This, of course, meant downloading a number of songs and playing them before he settled on "Wanna Get To Know You", by G-Unit.

    Naturally, his phone rang a dozen times after making this decisions so, while sitting in my literary theory class, all I could think was "I wanna be your lover
    I wanna get to know you, baby/One dose of my lovin'/I'm really gonna drive you crazy". That's just not cool. Really, not cool.

    And, ooh, now it's back in my head. "And to make her feel special I let her call me by my government name". Romantic!

  • I went to Dunkin' Donuts (mistake!) to get a coffee (and I wonder why I don't sleep...) and I asked for Cinnamon Spice coffee and the girl said, "I can't make you that". Sketchy, no? I didn't ask for clarification because she was rather creepy and I didn't want to prolong the conversation, so I settled for French Vanilla which was not very good. Le sigh.

  • Joey Lawrence now looks like this. I was never one of those sad girls who had a crush on him--no offense to those of you who were, except I hope that your tastes improved over the years--but honestly, that picture had me recoiling from my monitor in horror. Not even Ryan Seacrest looks so terrifyingly plastic.

  • An old picture, but still Nick Cannon level hilarious nonetheless-Pedro still has a jhullet and is rocking stovepipe jeans. Look at how Mickey recoils from the bad fashion choices!

  • The National Board of Review named their Best of 2004 choices and Best Actor went to Jamie Foxx. Now, he was amazing in Ray and awesome in Collateral (what? Don't judge, yo), but surely I can't be the only one who feels uncomfortable with the fact that he's a real actor now. Or perhaps I am.

    Mallory at 12/01/2004 11:44:00 PM

    2comments

    2 Comments

    at 8:01 AM Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I don't know what's worse: no apostrophes or too many apostrophes (e.g. "12 rose's for ten dollar's!"). I think the latter, actually; omitting them suggests laziness, whereas including them where they don't belong indicates a fundamental misguidedness that kind of makes me want to cry.

    And you know that I wanna get to know ya.

     
    at 2:40 PM Blogger Rayanne Graff said...

    "And if that don't make sense fuck you I'm a go smoke sens
    Don't start a fight with me I don't care I'll bite your teeth
    Get in ya shit like a colostomy impossible to compete with me
    A Prophecy- I'm gonna own everything like I was an apostrophe"    I used to highlight apostrophe errors in my textbooks and show the teachers.

    I also used to have a flatmate that didn't understand the apostrophe rules, so she'd write her essays without them, then read another essay and decide from that the "average number of apostrophes per page" and apply it to her work at random.

    "Hmm, I need seventeen apostrophes on page three, so....there...and there....a couple here, maybe cram three into this sentence....ooh, there's an 's' so it's bound to need one there...."

     

    Post a Comment