Tuesday, December 07, 2004
The Horror! The Horror!
I wonder why Nelly and Ashanti keep trying to hide the fact that they're dating. The only explanation I've come up with is that they're aware that such an awful couple will deplete the ozone layer and cause a shift in the space time continuum and they want to shield us from that pain. Somehow, though, I doubt they're that considerate.
Sorry, that couple gives me the willies. There is something desperate about Nelly and his efforts to go from hardcore to Lite FM (Don't even try telling me that "My Place" isn't made for the adult contemporary station), not to mention the band-aid/do-rag thing he's got going on. Then there's Ashanti, who's always seemed creepily close to Ja Rule and has been linked to Irv Gotti, in addition to being about as dumb as a box of hair weave. She and Nelly have seven brain cells between them, I'm surprised that they don't need protective helmets when they walk outside.
While at the mall today, I learned that Isabeli Fontana is a new H&M model and I cursed the world of spokesmodeldom. Because, really, it's bad enough that I have to deal with the cold, dead eyes of Adriana Lima in Victoria's Secret; now I have to see Isabeli and the jaw that ate Manhattan whenever I so much as walk through the mall? That's cold.
For those of you concerned about my mental health and well being, G-Unit continues to be stuck in my head. I've become resigned to it; soon, I'll start dropping lyrics into everyday conversation and then, before we all know it, the only words I'll be capable of saying will be lines penned by that brilliant poet 50 Cent.
I'm not sure that there's an easy way to say it, so I'll just be blunt Nicolas Cage has had the nation's number one movie for three weeks in a row.
I know. I know.
That news is terrifying for, as far as I know, it is no longer 1995. I thought that the proverbial Nicolas Cage ship had sailed, as he had run is artistic integrity into the ground by continuing to ride the jock of Jerry Bruckheimer and had lost the looks that he never really had in the first place.
Yet, in 2004, he has a box office hit that, really, looks worse than the average Mentos comercial, a 20 year old wife and...no, still ugly. But still, for Nicolas Cage, life is good. And that makes me want to drink bleach.
Mallory at 12/07/2004 12:33:00 AM
2 Comments
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at 2:13 PM
Rayanne Graff said... Now's really not the time to mention my love of Nicolas Cage is it?
Ashanti is HUGE here. I'm not sure why. I like to pronounce it to rhyme with chianti.-
at 12:53 AM
Lauren said...
You know, my friend Joe and I keep talking about going to see National Treasure just to enjoy the badness, but it hasn't happened yet, probably because we're not crazy.
And 50 cent? Truly is a poet.
"Go shorty, it's your birthday. We're gonna party like it's your birthday."
Such genius.