Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Bending It Like The Beckhams
I defy you to look at this and tell me it's not the most awesome thing ever. Because it? So is. Awesome, that is. (Link via Dancing Brave)
All I want for Christmas is Posh and Becks figures to put in my own personal nativity set. I think I could die happy.
I'm not sure if I've mentioned my Beckham fetish before; people act as though I should be embarrassed by my deep love of the Beckhams, but I'm not. I adore them so much. It's not just because I have a crush on David, though I do (voice aside, it's surprisingly twee and girly) or because I lurved Vicki when she was in the Spice Girls (which I did, her bitchface rocked the house).
It's because of the little things, like the fact that they named their sons Romeo and Brooklyn and the fact that Posh got into that awesome bitch fight with Naomi Campbell--and lived to tell the tale!--and the fact that they had thrones at their wedding. Thrones, y'all. If that's not classy decadence by way of Eurotrash tackiness, I don't know what is.
Really, they're just fabulous. No, really, they are. I can't recommend David and Victoria's books highly enough, they're fascinating and entertaining. It's enough to make me overlook stuff like David's inability to control his libido, or Victoria's horrible, horrible boob job or their combined IQ of 64.
All of this and they're friends with Tom Cruise! Can you IMAGINE how much fun hanging out with them would be? I long for a reality show.
Tom: So, would you like to go to Scientology meetings?
David: Sci...?
Vicki: No, we're not in high school any more.
Tom: I can teach you all about Thetans.
David and Vicki, in unison: Is that Gucci?
When I tell people about this fascination, they always assume that I'm being ironic, similar to their reactions to my love for supermodels, Wham! and The Golden Girls. But I'm not being ironic, I'm being totally, embarrassingly honest. Really. They're just so...fab.
Like, in my British literature class, whilst discussing Yeats and falconry, the first thing that popped into my mind was the passage of Learning To Fly where Victoria refutes allegations that David was training in falconry. I don't know who accused him of it, or why, but Vicki has three pages of "Lies" in her book (pp224-226) and explains:
Lie: David takes falconry lessons.
Truth: David is scared of budgerigars, let alone falcons.
I didn't know how pertinent that was to the discussion at hand. Well, no, I do, "not very", but still, I'm all for working in Beckham references in every day life.
I totally understand if all of you lose respect for me after reading this. But if you're at a loss for what to get me for Christmas, you cannot go wrong with Posh and Becks nativity figurines. I'd celebrate Christmas all year round!
Mallory at 12/08/2004 03:48:00 PM
1 Comments
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at 4:28 AM
Rayanne Graff said... Weeeeeeeeeee!
Oh god, the very existence of the Beckhams makes me so, so ridiculously happy.
I remember last Easter when the whole Rebecca Loos scandal came out, we bought seven tabloids and just gorged on all the text sex messages.
Then we thought they might divorce and I cried. They're just too wonderful to not be together!
Tor's "Lies" in her book are a thing of bloody genius. As is the photo caption, "'Oh my god it's Britney Spears!' 'Oh my god it's Posh Spice!'"