Tuesday, December 28, 2004
2004 In Review: Part Deux
I'm still in one of those reflecting moods, so let's continue on, shall we? Or, to put it in Tyra Banks speak-pack your bags, y'all, we're going...to 2004.
There are some trends that just make me scratch my head and wonder if I'm missing a link or something, because they appeal to the rest of the world SO much and me SO little that there is just something off.
The Poncho
Who the fuck came up with this one? "You know, women don't wear fugly and unflattering clothes often enough. We should make clothes that make chicks like Christy Turlington look obese. I know! Let's bring the poncho back!" I mean, really. Ponchos were everywhere and worn by women who should have known better. Ladies, no one looks good in ponchos and people look even worse in patterned ponchos. So just STOP, okay?
Faux fur collars on anything
If you want to wear faux fur, that's cool, I'm not down with PETA, I don't care. But honestly? Track suits and anything green or red do not need fur collars. That's just...that's just disgusting, you guys. Really.
Maroon 5
No, okay? Just no. Their music inspires eyerolls and a vague desire to go to Hollister. I don't understand their appeal. And the lead singer looks like he carries roofies in his back pocket at all times.
Vera Bradley bags
Because what says "hott!" more than bags that octogenarians wear to their bingo games? Nothing!
Clive Owen and Viggo Mortensen
I...but...okay. I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but for fuck's sake, Clive Owen looks like a greasy tow-truck driver and Viggo looks like he bathes in the mud. And also, his name is Viggo and he writes bad poetry. Like, really bad. They actually repulse me, looking at them makes me slightly ill. And yet they're discussed as though they're the second coming of really hot people. And they aren't! At all! Ew!
51 Percent of America re-elected George W. Bush
I'm not going to go into the whole red state/blue state ish, but...fo' real?
George W. Bush namedrops Dred Scott
Hands down, the most bizarre moment of all of the Presidential debates. I suppose on the one hand that it's nice that he admits that he's against slavery, but on the other hand...um, what?
Jennifer Lopez marries Marc Anthony
I never hated Jennifer Lopez. Really, I always sort of admired how disgustingly ambitious she was, she was sort of like a soap opera character come to life. But when she married Marc Anthony, I knew she had lost it. Because the man looks like he's the walking dead. She was obviously heartbroken and crazy to rebound from Ben "Not a prize himself" Affleck, so she married the next man who wanted her. And it's Marc Anthony, a well-documented serial cheater who looks like he's dead. Way to go, Jenny.
24 hour media coverage of Ronald Reagan's death
I understand that the media goes into a tailspin when a President dies, but...the man was 93 and had a debilitating illness for at least ten years. It wasn't the tragedy that the media made it out to be. He was 93! That's what people do when they're 93! They die!
Nonstop coverage of Plum Sykes and Bergdorf Blondes
Okay. I'm not going to pretend that I don't read fluffy chicklit books, because I do. And I'm not going to pretend that I didn't want to see how Plum fared outside of the Anna Wintour protected pages of Vogue. But really? It's like people had never heard of a British person before. The media obsession with this (horrible!) book and Plum's (heinous!) fashion sense was downright mystifying.
I should make a confession here; not one of Usher's, but my own. The first confession is that I just knowingly made an Usher joke that wasn't mean. The second is that when it comes to music, I'm sort of...um...well, you know how all the cool kids are all listening to those bands with The in the title? Yeah, no. I'm very particular about my music--though it hasn't stopped me from listening to the aforemention Usher...more than once--and I don't buy CDs too often, so I'm just going to recap my favorite songs of the year, mmkay? Don't judge.
Britney Spears, "Toxic"
Before you even start--shut UP, I told you not to start!--this song rules. Don't try to front and say it doesn't, it so does. Yeah, Britney went off the deep end this year in a public and humiliating fashion, but this does not detract from the awesomeness of this song. And the video was so fun! Fine, I'll stop.
Usher, Lil Jon and Ludacris, "Yeah"
Okay. Now, this song is bizarre. You know why? Because it's the song of the year. It really is, I don't think anyone can deny that it's the pop music song of the year, it was omnipresent. But the weird thing is that it's an USHER song. U-S-H-E-R Raymond! We had all forgotten that he existed because he, like, went into hiding after his last album or something. But here he comes with a song like this, with Lil Jon and Ludacris, and not the smooth, faux Marvin Gaye stuff he's built his name on. And if you tell me that you can't sing along to it, you're lying and you know it.
Franz Ferdinand, "Take Me Out"
This is the song people were like, "You have to hear". And hear it I did. Many, many times. But I didn't mind, because I really like it. It's most excellent to run to. If you run. It's also excellent to walk leisurely on the treadmill to and trust me, I know from walking leisurely on the treadmill.
Jay-Z, "99 Problems"
I had issues with The Black Album as a whole-it was sort of erratic and some songs were soooo annoying, but "99 Problems" was excellent and oh so quotable. What do you do when your friend is complaining? You say, "If you're having girl problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one". You can even throw in the "hit me" if you're feeling extra saucy. And then your friend will laugh and all will be right. Or not. But whatever, it's one of the best songs off the album and one of my favorite Jay-Z songs, period. Now, if we could just convince him to really retire...
Kanye West, "Jesus Walks"
I love Kanye West. I really do. I know that he throws temper tantrums or whatever, and pairs Cosby sweaters with Louis Vuitton backpacks and medallions from Jacob the Jeweler, but you know what? He's awesome. "Jesus Walks" was one of the best songs from The College Dropout and it's uber dramatic. Fun!
Mos Def, "Sex Love & Money"
I love Mos Def. Far more than is healthy, really. And this song is one of many of his that I love.
Jay-Z and Danger Mouse, "Moment of Clarity"
I really loved The Grey Album and I had a hard time picking my favorite song from it, so I settled on "Moment of Clarity" randomly. I think the whole thing is just brilliant, really.
Twista, "Higher"
Twista was everywhere this year, yes? Singing with Kanye, singing with Lil Jon and singing on his own album. "Kamikaze" was flawed, as a whole, but "Higher" was one of the highlights.
Alicia Keys, "You Don't Know My Name"
I think this song might have come out last year, but I'm putting it on this list because I want to. Anyhoo, I have a love/hate relationship with Ms. Keys, but I adore this song. Possibly because the video features the aforementioned Mos Def. I luff it.
Talib Kweli and Mary J. Blige, "I Try"
I love this song. I love both of them, so a combination is killer, yes? It does get stuck in my head for a long time, but unlike other songs (Hi G-Unit!!!), I don't mind it.
Again, to be continued, wrapping up with tv, people who are heinously overexposed and my favorite moments of the year. Wheee!
Mallory at 12/28/2004 10:49:00 AM
3 Comments
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at 8:01 PM
Mallory said... True, Viggo and Clive are more cult-like in their popularity, but damn. So many girls at school love them and it's just, like, if I don't like something, other people shouldn't like them either. I firmly believe I am the arbiter of good taste.
Miss Bingley and the Freeloaders, I like it. I wish I had some sort of musical talent to use to form a band, but, alas, I have none.-
at 12:23 PM
jbird said...
Ha! Your Ronald Reagan comment is hilarious. Most confounding to me was the theatrical mourning done by world figures, as though this was a major emotional blow to everyone. He hadn't had a reasonable conversation with any political figure in ten years! They've had an entire decade to come to grips with their loss! My parents Tivoed all 96 hours of funeral coverage. Why? Why?
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at 6:23 PM
Rayanne Graff said...
Clive and Viggo are not really that popular at all. See: Hidalgo. See: King Arthur.
Or, don't see: Hidalgo. Don't see: King Arthur.
I've only heard of two songs on your list. I don't know whether it's because I'm British, or because I'm really really uncool. Or possibly both!