Tuesday, November 23, 2004

In the Last 24 Hours...

  • I frequented a Starbucks on the highway, which was a mistake in and of itself, because it was not merely out of gingerbread lattes, but pumpkin spice lattes as well. I'm quite sure that this is a human rights violation of some sort and I will do whatever needs to be done in order for this problem to be rectified or, at least, complain to Starbucks and hope that they'll send me free coupons or something to make up for that highly illegal act.

  • I tripped over a cat twice, and the second time, he was none too pleased as he made a terrifying, gasping sort of sound and proceeded to scratch my ankle.

  • I burst into tears while listening to Nat King Cole's version of "O Holy Night".

    (Twice, if we're being honest)

  • I opened the kitchen cabinet in hopes of finding some sort of healthy snack to have and was instead greeted with all of the Little Debbie pastries in the Northeast. I'm certain that the assortment of Cosmic Brownies, Devils Food Squares, Oatmeal Cream Pies and Christmas Tree Cupcakes would put the displays in grocery stores to shame.

  • I made a wholly unladylike display of gloating when the Patriots won and, perhaps, proposed marriage to Tom Brady in hope that, rejecting all laws of space and time, he could hear me and would say yes.

  • I made a sound shockingly similar to that of the cat, except far happier, when I learned that the Oxygen channel, previously known best for showing repeats of A Different World and that Talk Sex With Sue show that unsettles me fiercely, as I get uncomfortable watching someone so grandmotherly fondle dildos, is playing the classic film Friends 'Til The End which is historic. If you have not watched this movie, you must watch it tonight, it's a stunning achievement in television films and it's just crazy. Crazy! I love it.

  • I had a dream that Mos Def and Big Boi from Outkast had a detective agency. I hadn't gotten high or anything before going to bed, so I'm not exactly sure how to explain that one.

  • I did a happy dance when I saw the commercials announcing the release of The Golden Girls season one on DVD, even though I've seen all of those episodes a billion times (thanks, Lifetime!)

  • I had a moment of weakness, where I contemplated eating an entire carton of Edys Pumpkin Ice cream, but I soon got over it.

  • I should mention that the moment of weakness happened when deciding what to have for breakfast

  • I thought I saw a mouse, screamed, jumped on an ottoman and yelled at the cat for being worthless.

  • And then realized that the mouse was merely a sock. I didn't apologize to the cat, though, because I'm still upset about being scratched.

  • For anybody suffering from low self esteem, I present to you the following pictures. No matter how bad things are, you aren't Paris Hilton.
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    All the money in the world can't buy you literacy, proper grammar or fashion sense.

    Mallory at 11/23/2004 02:37:00 PM

    4comments

    4 Comments

    at 5:08 PM Blogger Rayanne Graff said...

    How do you trip over a cat TWICE?! Although I suppose if you're (or 'your', if you're Paris Hilton) going around accusing socks of being mice and eating ice-cream for breakfast and suchlike, cat-tripping is the least of your (you're!) worries.

     
    at 7:38 PM Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Young Mr. Grace from the OTZ here (I don't have a blogspot account). Just chiming in to say:

    1. DefBoi Investigations is GENIUS! Genius, I tell you! It must happen. With Andre 3000 in the White House, what else is Big Boi going to do?

    2. The Golden Girls?! On DVD?! Oh. My. God. My excitement is LIMITLESS. This is so cool! Oh, you've made my day, Miss B!

    (Yes, yes I am really, really sad).

     
    at 7:38 PM Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Young Mr. Grace from the OTZ here (I don't have a blogspot account). Just chiming in to say:

    1. DefBoi Investigations is GENIUS! Genius, I tell you! It must happen. With Andre 3000 in the White House, what else is Big Boi going to do?

    2. The Golden Girls?! On DVD?! Oh. My. God. My excitement is LIMITLESS. This is so cool! Oh, you've made my day, Miss B!

    (Yes, yes I am really, really sad).

     
    at 8:00 PM Blogger Mallory said...

    Mean Dean, I think you and I should work together to persuade Mos and Big Boi to go into business together (and cut us a piece of the profits, perhaps?)

    baggy, the only reason I tripped twice is because the damn cat likes to play freeze tag with my ankles, he's very bratty.

    And YMG, glad I could be of help! I will own that DVD set as soon as I can, even the commercials are hilarious.

    Blanche: I treat my body like a temple.
    Sophia: Yeah, open to everyone, day or night.

    Ah, I'm a simple girl.

     

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