Thursday, October 14, 2004
The One Where I Hate Being Left-Handed
This Just In: Being Left-Handed Suck and Blows.
I'm left-handed, which people are always surprised about because my handwriting is, if I do say so myself, absurdly neat and apparently we southpaws are known for having poor penmanship. Or something. And ew, I just said penmanship. I'm ancient.
Anyway, today, while interning, I needed to address envelopes with markers. Now, for you right-handed bitches, that's all fine and dandy, but if you're left-handed, your hand goes over the words that you've written, leaving the side of your hand covered in pen or marker or pencil. And it looks so disgusting.
Not to mention:
Y'all may laugh at Ned Flanders and his Leftorium, but he's on to something. We don't have it easy.
Pet Peeve Alert! Pet Peeve Alert! "Supposively"? NOT a word. If I hear one more person say it, I may become violent.
The boy who sits next to me in my Film class is in two of my other classes. Today, asked me why I always have a Diet Coke with Lime with me. Apparently, such behavior isn't "normal", because DCwLi tastes like "chemicals" and "causes cancer and hallucinations".
Dear Diet Coke and Diet Coke with Lime,
Don't listen to the haters. They are just sad that they are delicious and calorie free and don't come in hot silver cans and bottles. You keep on keeping on.
Love Always,
Me
xoxo
But, I mean, really, when did it become appropriate to criticize the drinking habits of others? Do I go up to people drinking grape or cream sodas and telling them how disgusting that is? No, no I do not, even if the thought crossed my mind. And it has, because grape soda and cream soda are just so ick. But I don't broadcast it! Okay, well, I did just now, but whatever, I don't do it in person! I silently judge!
I'd love to hear Ludacris rap about the O'Reilly scandale.
Ann Coulter put out a new colummn after over a week. I was beginning to thought that she had suffocated from her own crazy, but she didn't. And she makes as little sense as ever.
If Gore had been elected president, right now he would just be finding that last lesbian quadriplegic for the Special Forces team.
Someone needs a Bex and a nice lie down.
I have absolutely no idea what made me think about this, but remember when Rosie O'Donnell and The Rosie O'Donnell Show were hugely popular? Like, insanely popular. And now she's all whacked out and ranting about her yellow. Sad. Sort of, I really don't care.
Oh, no! I know what made me think of Rosie, I was listening to the lame radio station at my internship, and they played "I Want You" by Savage Garden. And Rosie O'Donnell had an odd obsession with that song, and the two are linked in my mind. Or something. Shush.
Continuing with the recent theme of my obsession with Young Americans-Ian Somerhalder's UBER creepy episode of Law and Order:Special Victims Unit was just on. Like, no, he was a murdering psychopath who raped his brother. His brother! And yet, he's still oddly attractive in that vaguely sinister way. Odd.
Um, I realize how I appear to have no clear train of thought. I blame it on...uh...allergies. Yeah, allergies.
The Academy Awards may not be boring enough to drive people to suicide, as Chris Rock has been tapped as the host. I know following Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg will be oh so difficult, but I have faith.
I keep hearing these rumors that Sienna "Heffa" Miller, paramour of one Mr. Jude Law is a fashion icon, despite doing little more than jacking the style of one Kate Moss. So you'd think that a fashion icon would wear something fun, fab, and, I don't know, pretty to the world premiere of her movie. Ms. Miller does not agree. I am at a loss to explain why she chose to bit Avril Lavigne's sartorial style.
The controversy over Paris Hilton's latest sex tape continues, as her friend says that yes, she has used racial slurs before. Hmm. On the one hand, it's nice to see Paris get her comeuppance and maybe it means that she won't be all over anymore (please? I'm praying!). But on the other hand, this former friend of hers is Mischa Barton's greasy, bloated boyfriend and I really don't want to think positively of him for any reason.
And, finally, from The Daily News:
Jack Nicholson relaxed with Amy Sacco at Bungalow 8 after the Yankees game on Tuesday, watching from a booth as Sean Lennon had to drag an unconscious gal pal out the front door ...
Um, Sean Lennon needs new friends.
Mallory at 10/14/2004 08:58:00 PM