Tuesday, October 19, 2004
The One Where I am a Bad Yankee Fan
I'm going to let you all in on a secret. Well, I guess it's not much of a secret if I am posting it online, but whatever, work with me.
I'm not terribly frustrated that the Red Sox won two games
Now, let me explain.
Of course, I'd have preferred the Yankees to win tonight, what with the New York Pride and all. I've loved the Yanks for my whole life so obviously they're my first choice.
But! I didn't want the Red Sox to get swept because...well, because that's sad. I am a bit of a goober and I think that teams--not individual players, but teams--have feelings and would cry (bear with me, I'm on medication) if they got swept. So at least the Sox are fighting the good fight and are down 3-2.
That sounds rather insane, I suppose. But whatevah! Whatevah! I do whatta want!
Um, apparently, this includes talking like Cartman when he was on Springer
And Springer? Hmph, everyone knows Maury is where it's at.
Anyhoo...
The laws of history and averages are against them, though, and they aren't going to win at Yankee Stadium. As Ralph Wiggum would say, "That's unpossible".
Does Johnny Damon really get his hair layered and angled? Because it sure looks that way, and that's...yeah.
Oh, um, I guess that didn't have anything to do with me liking the Red Sox.
I have discovered, over the course of the past few weeks, that I have a huge, ridiculous, enormous crush on Trot Nixon. The crush escapes all logic because a)Not my type b)Trot Nixon?! He's not even one of the stars. It's just bizarre and yet...I'm fascinated with him. Don't judge.
I think it all goes back to that time he dissed Ben Affleck. That was hi-larious. "Matt Damon made you what you are, slick." Brilliant. And true!
Bitches, what did I tell you about not judging?
I wonder if the Red Sox know that with their bad hair, they are totally courting lice.
And what was with David Ortiz trying to steal a base? Funniest thing EVAH.
Except for--no, that is hands down the funniest thing in the entire world.
Really, though, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind the Yankees and the Red Sox that I have a life. Shocking, I know. But guys, I really don't have the time to sit and wait around for ninety hour long baseball games because I have this undiagnosed sort of ADD thing where I can't focus on anything if I'm doing something, so watching your games cuts into my work time. And as much as I love y'all way, way more than Literary Theory, you guys don't help me get a 4.0, sooo....
Please, let's have a normal 9-inning game tomorrow, okay? Preferably with a big Yankee lead? Just saying.
Le sigh.
In political news, why does Alan Keyes even bother?. Bitch crazy.
"If we do not know who the mother is, who the father is, without knowing all the brothers and sisters, incest becomes inevitable. Whether they mean it or not, that is what will happen. If you are masked from your knowing your biological parents, you are in danger of encountering brothers and sisters you have no knowledge of."
Um, what? Does Alan Keyes watch Passions?
Let's look at two of Hollywood's fabbest couples:
1. Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis at the premiere of Neverland
He? Looks like Harry Potter. She...looks like she's a nice girl.
2. Flava Flav and Brigitte Neilsen at....a crazy party in Crazytown.
Um.Mallory at 10/19/2004 12:30:00 AM
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