Friday, October 08, 2004
Me and Jon Sitting in a Tree, Making Fun of O'Reilly
Dear Jon Stewart
Really, haven't you toyed with my emotions long enough? Let's just run away and get married, this whole "waiting" business and your situation with your "wife" is just getting ridiculous. And I'm okay with being taller than you, I'll deal with it, and I'm good with kids, I'd be an excellent stepmother.
xoxoxo,
Me
Bill O'Reilly was on The Daily Show right now and, shockingly, he didn't make me want to throw things. Scandale! He could not possibly have looked more uncomfortable, though, I was almost waiting for him to fall off of the couch. And he had obviously been thinking up those "witty" "jokes" about bongs and stuff for weeks, but the decibel level remained normal, so I suppose I can't complain too much.
His tie was very purple, no? Very lilac, actually. I really like the name Lilac, is that odd? It is, and it's probably a discussion for another time. Anyhoo, odd sartorial choice.
I really do enjoy hearing about how unpartisan O'Reilly is. I mean...really. We weren't born yesterday, Billy.
Speaking of partisan nutjobs, if someone can explain the logic in crazy article, it would be much appreciated. The leaps of logic are alarming. Like, Natalie Portman is voting against Bush because her boyfriend broke up with her? What?! And we shouldn't like Whoopi Goldberg because she used to be on welfare? I mean, there are lots of reasons to dislike Whoopi Goldberg, Bogus and her Academy Award hosting skills chief among them. But instead we shouldn't like her because she left the ghetto and wound up an award winning millionaire? I don't understand. Like, at all, so if someone can explain it, it would be much appreciated.
I have to admit, after watching the faux commercial on The Daily Show-I have the most ridiculous soft spot for Barbara and Jenna Bush. Which sounds weird, really, as they're a year older than me, but whatever. I don't really get the criticism; they aren't perfect and are maybe a little bratty, but so am I. And I like tequila, too! Call me, girls, we can go shopping!
Britney formalizes her marriage and fires her longtime manager. I really, really want to know who thought this was a good idea. Momma Spears must be terrified. I wonder if she'll replace Larry Rudolph with Kevin...her downward spiral is really sort of seedy and sad, but ultimately entertaining. The E! True Hollywood Story should be pretty awesome.
Mallory at 10/08/2004 12:05:00 PM