Thursday, October 07, 2004
Ear Pollution
The worst part about my internship is, hands down, the radio station that we are required to listen to. Not the Republicanism, not the work, not the fact that I can't find college-ruled paper. No. The radio station. It's one of those adult contemporary stations, but even worse than they usually are. And it's the only radio station that comes in, so it's either listen to that or work in silence and silence makes me twitchy. Therefore, I am stuck listening to the radio.
Now, for the record, let me just say that I have no taste in music. No, really. I listen to pop and mainstream hip-hop and I have never heard of the too cool for school Indie bands that people are always talking about. My Ipod has songs by Wham! and The Spice Girls and I think Old School Madonna (pre-Erotica) is absolutely brilliant, and I plan on buying Britney's Greatest Hits Album...non-ironically. I also freely admit to listening to Tyra Banks's "Shake Ya Body" more than once and thinking that Pharrell doesn't suck.
So, basically, if I think music is bad? It really, really must be bad.
We can start with the morning DJ's. The man, whose name I either don't remember or have blocked from my consciousness, is the "randy" one, who makes "jokes" about the "nightlife". His overly perky co-host Elaine laughs at these "jokes" and talks about how Joey is her favorite show. Joey, y'all. The weather man sounds vaguely suicidal, as though he realizes how lame his job is.
Now, onto the music. I wrote down the last ten songs that they played:
Don't Go Breaking My Heart, by Elton John and Kiki Dee. It's fun enough in its own cheesy, bad way, I suppose, but it's stuck in my head now and I can't concentrate. "Blah blah press release...don't go breaking my heart"
Hello, by Lionel Richie. This is, without a doubt, one of the worst song/video combos in the history of the modern era. For starters, the song is just atrocious. But when it has become so closely linked with the video, it is even worse. The plot of the video, for those not in the know, what that a Jheri curled/mulleted Lionel, in an oversize jacket with shoulder pads, has a girl in his art class fall in love with him. She was blind, obviously. And, though blind, she made a bust of him by feeling his face. The bust sort of resembled a peanut. It is one of the most horrible videos ever, right up there with Michael Jackson's "Black or White" and the song always reminds me of it, and I just want to warn the blind girl to stay away from him. "Just lie, blind girl! Tell him it's NOT him you're looking for! Run away! But use your cane so you don't get hurt!"
Go Your Own Way, by...Wilson Philips?! Yes, Wilson Phillips (known by some as "The Blonde, The Brunette and the Chubby Girl") covered a good Fleetwood Mac song. Now, I have been known to play "Hold On" really loudly while driving, so I can't really fully hate on WP, but "Go Your Own Way"? For real? Why did you girls think that was a good idea? Their cover is so....whiny. And bad. And wistful. But mostly bad.
I Just Called To Say I Love You, by Stevie Wonder. Quite possibly the worst song ever written. It gives me hives.
This One's For the Girls, by Martina McBride (I think). One of those "Rah rah we're girls!" songs. Sort of like a Tampon commercial set to music.
Invisible, by Clay Aiken. The thought of Clay Aiken stalking a poor, unsuspecting girl (and watching her in her room! Ew!) is insanely disturbing, it sort of maks me want to get a restraining order. Plus, the song is just wretched, what with the "Oooooh oooooh ooooohs" randomly sprinkled throughout.
God Bless The USA, by the American Idol finalists. Jingoism and Muzak should never combine, unless it's in the seventh circle of hell. This is just hurting innocent people.
Drops of Jupiter, by Train. Um, okay, can we outlaw this song? I don't know if that goes against the Constitution or anything, but really. It's awful and overplayed and just bad. "The best soy latte that you ever had"? WHAT? What does that even MEAN?!
Where Is The Love, by The Black Eyed Peas. I think that this was their effort at being hip and urban. But, really, this song does nothing but inspire rage. I wouldn't be surprised if it was linked to a number of killing sprees.
Heaven, by Los Lonely Boys. Repetitive. Schmaltzy. Bad. Lame. I could go on, but I won't.
As you can see, it is a testament to my inner strength that I have not yet thrown myself out the window.Mallory at 10/07/2004 11:35:00 AM
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