Saturday, October 16, 2004
Because You're Worth It
Yesterday, while attempting to shave my legs, I noticed that my razor has a little woman at the top of it.
Except she's all contorted and doing sort of a Staying Alive type dance.
Which makes me wonder-why do these razors have to have a dancing woman on them? Is it to remind everybody that they are for women, as if the pink didn't tip us all off? Or is it some sort of sick Scientologist mindfuck designed to get us all to go see John Travolta's latest film? It's all very strange.
I don't know how many of you have ever tried to shave in a dorm shower, but if you have, you can back me up here when I say that it's next to impossible. You have to sort of get all contorted and they don't teach you that ish in yoga classes.
As if I couldn't love Jon Stewart any more, he goes and hands Tucker Carlson his ass on a silver platter. It was seriously one of the most beautiful/brilliant/wonderful/insert fawning adjective things I have ever seen. Ever. He called him a dick! On television! It was awesome.
And, incidentally, totally true. He probably thinks that wearing a bowtie will make people less likely to beat him down. Hate. Like, massively.
This is the only cool thing Tucker will ever be involved in. And it's only because he, as the kids say, got served in front of a national audience. Sucks to be Tucker Carlson.
And I really couldn't possibly love Jon Stewart more. And nothing would get me to stop. Even if I found out that he kicks kittens. Hell, I'd send him kittens if he wanted.
Game Three of the ALCS, after being postponed last night, starts at 7:30. Tres exciting.
I really am becoming obsessed with the hair of the guys on the Red Sox. It just...it defies logic that they think that this is a good idea.
Johnny Damon
Manny Ramirez
Pedro Martinez
David Ortiz
(Okay, you can't see his hair there, but that picture cracks me up. He's like two seconds away from eating Felix Heredia who looks terrified, and rightfully so)
Now, say what you want about George Steinbrenner and his tyrannical ways, but none of the boys on the Yankees have a jheri-curl mullet. That's right, I said it, Pedro has a jhullet, y'all.
The Yankees don't look like dirty slobs, which is why they win and are happy. It's all about the hair.
I really need them to win tonight, a nice 3-0 series lead would give me some breathing room. It's just too stressful, especially for someone as high-strung as I am. Which is, uh, very.
The news that Gavin Rossdale has a lovechild may totally push Gwen Stefani over the edge. She's not too stable when it comes to guys (remember her years of pining for Tony?), and she's said to be devastated. I don't see this ending well
I'm sure she'll get at least two albums worth of music out of this, though. What? I'm not being heartless. Well, I am, but really, she writes best when she's tortured.
George W. Bush even had that smirk when he was little. The more things change, the more they stay the same, I guess.
And I really, really hate Barbara Bush (Senior. I love the younger Barbara Bush, she and Jenna are the coolest and I am not being sarcastic when I say that). But, yeah, I hate the Former First Lady. Probably more than I should. She's just awful. I'll stop bitching, as it's not good for the blood pressure, but really-evil.
Mallory at 10/16/2004 06:35:00 PM